User:Owen.maier/Hussein Mwinyi/Kbrenya Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Owen.mair


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Owen.maier/Hussein Mwinyi


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: consider adding a lead for your page. I suggest writing this once you've done a little bit more research on Hussein Mwinyi

Content: While I think you touch on some major points, I think it is possible to incorporate more content in the page. It may be a good idea to look at the pages of other African leaders and see how their page is broken down. I also think it is important to only include information that is vital for understanding who the person is. For example, was Mwinyi known for his stance on women's rights? If so you should keep that section and expand a bit on it. If not, you should consider removing that section since it may not be relevant to understanding who Mwinyi was as a person. I know it may be hard trying to find the most vital aspects of his life, but it may be helpful to try to find patterns in the articles that you read about him; what do authors regularly bring about about him? What do people find most compelling about Mwinyi?

Tone and Balance: I think all of the information you have is generally backed up by sources. It may be a good idea to lean on those sources a bit more to find more information to populate your article.

Overall I can tell you are at the beginning stages of your draft and I think you have a good start so far! Like I said above, I think if you comb through your sources a bit more you'll be able to find more information relevant to giving the most fruitful description of Hussein Mwinyi.

Response
Thanks so much Kendra. I completely agree with your feedback. I need to find more sources and go into more aspects of Mwinyi's presidency and life before presidency. I also think streamlining the article would help once I've found what sections to really make significant, but I think it would be helpful to keep his aspects of women's rights however small, and perhaps incorporate it into a larger section. I really appreaciate your suggestion about the lead as well, I've already gotten started on that. Thanks again Kendra!