User:Oxnardgirl/Ilien Guadalupe Tolteca/Aestheticfeast Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

oxnardgirl


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Oxnardgirl/Ilien_Guadalupe_Tolteca?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

In the school involvement section, Sarahy uses the word 'heavily' which is not a neutral term. It can be changed or deleted. In the artists birth year, there could be a change to (born in 2001) to specify they are still living. In Sarahy's Early Life section, there is a sentence that can be made more clear, "Her work is inspired by her identity of being Mexican American and lacking space for representation", which could be changed to "What inspires her work, is her Mexican American identity..." or "Her work is inspired by her experiences as a Mexican American person navigating the lack of representation within the art community" (these are just examples). In Sarahy's school involvement section, there is a run-on sentence that can be made into two separate sentences, "She advocates for more alternative ways of transportation for the local students which are primarily Latino students and easier accessibility to the Multicultural Dream Center for underrepresented students". Overall, Sarahy's lead is concise, her content is informational and relevant, her tone is mostly neutral, and her article is well organized and clear.