User:PXMDC/Misha Collins/Chickenramen2112 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

PXMDC


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:PXMDC/Misha Collins
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Misha Collins
 * Misha Collins

Evaluate the drafted changes
'''Hello PXMDC, I have been assigned to peer review your sandbox draft. After reviewing your draft, I have found some information here and there that may need to be added to further improve your edits to help make this article a great one.'''

'''- Starting with the lead paragraph, I believe there should be a comma after the word "article", with removing the "s" in the word "its" right after this. To add on, the word "boston" should be capitalized, as well as a comma following it since the name of a state is following it. Also, there could be a comma incorporated in after the words, "Growing up". There could also be a comma put in the 4th sentence, as well as capitalizing the word "collins," to make the sentence look like, "His stage name, "Collins", is actually his grandmothers maiden name." It is probably a better idea to take out the part where you stated that you did not know he was jewish, as that can be first person and your own thought. There also could be other parts taken out down throughout your draft, such as when you say about his wife. Instead of saying "he is married to his beautiful wife", you could take out the word "beautiful", as that can be your own opinion.'''

- Moving to the second paragraph, all parts of the names of the schools he attended in the first sentence should be capitalized, as well as adding a comma after, to make the sentence look like,"Misha attended Greenfield Center School, Northfield Mount Hermon School, and the University of Chicago, where he studied social theory."

- '''Overall, you need to be aware of the usage of the word "I", as it should always be capitalized. I noticed throughout your draft, there are many uses of the word "I", that are not capitalized. As well as being aware of when other words should be capitalized, such as "peoples choice award", in the last paragraph.'''

- '''Overall, you need to be aware of when commas should be present within a sentence, as they decrease the chances of a run on sentence, and makes the sentence flow nicely. I noticed throughout your draft, that there are many run-on sentences, but that can be easily fixed with the correct comma placement!'''

- '''I did notice there are no references within your draft, those are necessary for including facts into an article, as people need to know where you got your information from to know if it is factual evidence, or if it is false information. It seems like you have great evidence and facts, now we just need to see the support you retrieved these facts from!'''

- '''Other than these, I believe you are on the right track, and are doing a great job! You seem to be very interested in this individual, and that is always a good help when it comes to assignments like this because you know exactly what to look for! It was a good addition of adding in the years in which he was apart of the films. :)'''