User:Pandapreacher

Panda history: or something to that effect

We open with the notion (which must be understood, this is complete fact) that pandas, although cute, are complete idiots of the highest order. To give meat to the bones of this argument, pandas are (every single one) of the mind that rabbits can not be trusted. In the panda community, legend has it that that rabbits are responsible for the birth of pop music. And why pop music is so offensive to pandas, is down to this. Panda are idiots! Most have never even heard pop music but regard it as sinful, silly pandas. To chart panda history, is to begin with the first great war of Xiao, which was a terrible event, where 5,000 panda kings (yes they had kings, (well all pandas being stupid each saw them self as a king)) did bloody battle with the sea. Which the sea won, hands down. Come on like you can fight the sea and win. The second great war of Xiao was fought against all rabbits, which I guess the panda won, as no rabbits could be found to fight, saw 22,000 pandas encamped outside the city of Berlin for six months eating nothing but chicory and old slippers. Why this action took place can only be guessed at. Following the wars every school age panda was enrolled as apprentice kitchen fitters, as this was some how (I’m not quite sure) seen as defense against rabbits. Right this is getting a little insane now, id just like to state at this point that, although I know a lot about them, I cant say I understand pandas. But as you have already seen, dear reader pandas are fucking idiots. Moving on. In 1924 pandas invented tap dancing, in a bid to gain control of Northumberland street London (considered the panda homeland). This did not work, and only led to popular dance craze over the 30’s and 40’s. this deeply unset the now head king of the panda race Wilson C. SiPix, who was elected by popular vote, after claiming in passing that he was a huge bamboo fan. Following the failed attempt on Northumberland street. The panda race, put all of its efforts into a new plan, to take the street, by way of gift shops, which it turned out was a rounding success, the panda rejoiced, and set about ethnically cleansing, the whole of London of its rabbits. With Northumberland as their base it seemed there was no end for this black and white reign of terror, and indeed there wasn’t.