User:PapaRoberto/Robert Lundwall II

Robert "Linguini Rotini Martini Bikini" Lundwall II, (Born when it mattered), is an middle-class American hero (not like G.I. Joe, but you understand though.)

Very Early Life

He was born in the late Cretaceous period from a Velociraptor and a time traveler by the name of Vince Darrington. When Robert was of age, his father deemed him too dangerous to keep alive and attempted to assassinate him by means of some string and late Cretaceous period peanut butter. Robert was aware of this plan, and quickly told his mother of his father's plan. Robert's mom promptly ate Vince and, discovering she quite enjoyed the taste of human flesh, quickly turned her hungry gaze on her son. Realizing it was life or death at this point, he jumped into his father's time machine, (which so happened to be right behind him at this current junction in time), and was whisked away to the present.

Time After Cretaceous Childhood

When Robert's time machine finally stopped traveling, he found himself in the Middle Ages surrounded by big-chested, sad-faced women. He found out that all of their husbands had been away for so long fighting evil and dragons and junk, that they had forgotten to come home to their wives, who were now feeling rather neglected. Robert spent a fortnight tending to these rather sexually ferocious women and, after slaying them vaginally, left in the morning to another time.

Time After That