User:Passionforbaking/Learning through play/Naro13 Peer Review

General info
Passionforbaking
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://w.wiki/9bb9
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):https://w.wiki/9bb8:

Evaluate the drafted changes
Content:


 * The information that you added to the article was relevant and closely aligned with the information that was already presented.  In the “definitions of work and play” section, I was initially confused when you brought up “the enriched curriculum.”  I wasn’t too sure at first what you were referring to but after rereading it a couple of times I figured out what you were talking about.  Clarifying this would reduce the confusion a reader may have when reading this first sentence.  As I read the original article and your edits I didn’t come across underrepresented populations and how this type of play could either be beneficial or not. As I read the article there was something I did wonder though.  How did the pandemic affect children’s ability to learn through play?  This thought came into mind because of the great impact COVID-19 had on socialization and especially among children.

Tone and Balance:


 * As I read your article I noticed that your writing remained neutral throughout.  In the “play-based learning programs” section I see that you addressed the benefits.  By including the benefits you are trying to tell the reader to almost “convince” them that there are many cons to this type of play.  To balance this out, I would suggest addressing the cons as well of play-based learning.  This allows the reader to have a better understanding of both ends for them to later on make their own judgment.

Sources and References:


 * The sources you added into the article are varied.  I noticed that you included information from newspaper articles and research articles.  This adds to the credibility of the information that you included.  I also looked into when these articles were published and it was within the last 10 years which is adequate for the topic of the article.

Organization:


 * I thought the organization portion of your review was great.  As I was looking through the original article I noticed that it was very wordy.  Although I saw the intent behind the abundance of words it does end up distracting the reader.  I specifically thought you summarized the “creativity and imagination” sections really well.  You took out words that didn’t have much relevance and made the article more concise and straightforward.  Also, the bullet points for characterizations of play made it simpler to read and understand.  I think that the author of the article put a colon to include variation into the writing so there wouldn’t be a lot of bullet points.