User:Paulharrow/sandbox

Paul Harrow's Theory of Trans Fats
Paul Harrow is a lesser known commentator on social norms, conventions and practices. Best known for his politically incorrect insights into the ordinary, mundane, and generally idiotic behaviour of the populace, the subtlety of his perception results in him being commonly misunderstood, often incorrectly quoted, and frequently unjustly maligned.

Cognisant of his family history of heart disease and his penchant for fine, but fatty foods, he established his Theory of Trans Fats as a basis of optimising the balance of quality and longevity of his remaining life. The basis of this theory is that a food should only be consumed if the enjoyment expected to be experienced by doing so outweighs the estimated reduction in lifespan that would result from the advancement of the inevitable myocardial infarction that will one day end his life. In essence, the theory may be surmised with the self query of "Is this meal worth a heart attack?"

Paul Harrow once considered leading a campaign to ban the sale of any product contain compound chocolate due to the severe blandness of its taste and common usage of palm oil and other hydrogenated vegetable fats resulting in such products having an extremely "low consumption enjoyment/life span reduction" ratio. However, his views on the matter have more recently abated, with the adoption of the Darwinian approach that anyone so lacking in the fundamental sense of taste should not be assisted in their tainting of the wider gene pool, and so should remain subject to the consequence of their own actions.

He is also a fervent opposer to the addition of gelatin, starch, gluten, and other thickeners to yoghurt, conscious that the increased viscosity resulting from the use of such additives does not increase the perceived creaminess of the product, yet does reduce the tastiness of the product. This stance is congruent with Cosmo Kramer's practice of slicing smallgoods into fine slices, leaving the flavour with "nowhere to hide".

He works hard to negate his natural tendency of writing lengthy sentences and using too many commas.