User:Peacheslovely777/Sex tourism/Esteban1517 Peer Review

Good work on your first draft. Overall it was easy to follow, and was well organized. I especially appreciate the topic, as I believe it has gone largely unnoticed by many. I did notice the article uses a lot of opinionated language, especially in the first few sentences, which directly opposes our obligation to stay neutral in our presentation of information. For the first sentence, saying Thailand has the most significant levels of child trafficking is quite a shocking statement by itself, and is fit more for a journalistic article than an encyclopedia. I would suggest finding statistics to use in order to lessen the emotional response the sentence could elicit. Perhaps compare Thailand to other surrounding countries or if their trafficking rates are the highest in the world, then compare to that, but I believe the sentence should at least be supported by a source, and hopefully reworded to convey less emotion. Do be aware of some typos and formatting errors as well such as "tai" in the sentence about the prevention and suppression of human trafficking act, as well as the formatting error when citing the article Buying Innocence. Additionally, the second to last sentence also reads less than neutral. In relation to the subject matter of the article, mentioning the vulnerability of children does not do much to drive your point. I would suggest expanding more on the lack of police training, and tying in other social issues to obtain a better understanding of the topic, but also to add more nuance to your point. Overall, good job. You have an interesting topic, and a whole lot of potential to make a great contribution to this article. I wish you the best of luck in your revisions and future writings.

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