User:Peiyu Wan/LGBT culture in Chengdu/Claptonic Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Peiyu Wan


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Peiyu%20Wan/LGBT_culture_in_Chengdu?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * LGBT culture in Chengdu

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, I like the content of the change as it brought more context through the 'background' section, as well as adding some information to the pre-existing segments in the article. I felt that the article was well-organized and easy to read and comprehend.

For the most part, sentences are concise and grammar-wise, they are mostly correct as well. Some minor errors were fixed.

The tone of the article is neutral and succeeds in maintaining the tone until the end of the article.

For the background part, when you are explaining that 'As the new generation is more liberal-minded, society is slowly getting better at accepting LGBT communities.', I feel like adding statistics from polls or any supporting information would be beneficial for the article. Also, for the sentence 'Although homosexuality and bisexuality were removed from mental disorders in China in 2000, there are still large numbers of people who view them as mental health problems and need to be treated.', I feel like this part would need a source and also, just like the feedback on the previous sentence, some supporting numbers would be a good addition to the article as it would add credibility.

I feel like in the history, more information could be added such as the Chengdu queer festival (Chengdu Pride) that has been taking place, and if possible, information about when organizations like Chengdu Rainbow was established. This would make the history section more abundant.

If possible, adding photos from the pride events would make the article look more attractive to stay and read as well.

The sources all look okay, with a lot of them from credible news outlets. If you could add information about the Chengdu Pride, citing information from their official website (if they have one!) would also be a good addition to the article.