User:Peiyu Wan/LGBT culture in Chengdu/Sean831 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

User:Peiyu Wan


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Peiyu Wan/LGBT culture in Chengdu


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * LGBT culture in Chengdu

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hey Peiyu! I enjoyed reading your Wikipedia article and while going through your article I thought about a few talking points to further enrich the great work you already have here. For example, was the LGBT community settlement in Chengdu serendipitous or was there influences that encouraged the migration? Additionally I suggest to rework the organization of the leading paragraph, there are a lot interesting facts that you included but its rather scattered and don't relate to each other making the overall flow of the first paragraph rather choppy. For example the sentence that mentioned how millennials refer Chengdu as Gaydu was followed by Drag shows being a specialty in Chengdu's LGBT community could be abrupt and a transition sentence between these two points could help the audience digest the information.

The first paragraph under background, I was wondering if that piece was relevant to LGBT community in Chengdu, it seems to be describing more the sociocultural standing of heterosexual adults in China unless you could tie that to the following paragraph and use that as a segue.

I like that you mentioned that the LGBT population has been discriminated again in different ways and I think that you can elaborate more on the different ways they are discriminated and build upon more than just the censorship in Chinese media.

Again in the background section, I think it'd be helpful if you edit the transition between the facts you found to improve the overall flow of the article.

Could you clarify that if the club that was closed due to accusations a gay club? Or if it was because they were engaged in homoerotic activities?