User:Peruan00/Climate change in Indonesia/Altosaxma'am77 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

User:Peruan00 - Wikipedia

User:Peruan00/Climate change in Indonesia/Bibliography


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Peruan00/Climate change in Indonesia - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Climate change in Indonesia - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Hello! I will be breaking this peer review down based on the sections you provide. I will note appropriate footnotes associated with the sections as appropriate.

SEA LEVEL RISE AND LAND SUBSIDENCE:


 * I really do think there could maybe be an addition of some information on prior depth (or elevation) of Jakarta before the 2019 date provided. It would provide context and properly convey the scope of the problem.
 * Additionally, I think you may have left in some notes to yourself after footnote 2. Also, I think that footnote two sentence could be expanded upon! I am not entirely sure what the NW vs SE monsoon brings to the table, but I am curious and I'd love to know more!
 * The first sentence of footnote 3 sentence is unclear to me. I understand reading the rest of the paragraph what you mean, but the construction is a bit confusing. It seems like maybe the lead in goes in too many directions before reaching your point.
 * The sentence of footnote 4 has a bit of a tone issue where there is ambiguity regarding the views on climate change. Perhaps remove "necessarily", and the ending phrase seems a bit tacked on for what would appear to be the main point of the sentence.
 * Perhaps remove the comma from "...many parts of Jakarta, outside of wealthier..." to aid with flow.
 * Pet peave of mine but VERY important, you probably shouldn't say "natives". Indigenous populations would be a more appropriate phrase.
 * Grammar suggestion: "In 2019, water pipes in Jakarta reach only sixty percent of the population".
 * This is more a question about the source you used, given that your 6th source notes that about half of the population doesn't know that land subsidence is occurring, it leaves open the question of how they perceive the move of the capital. Is it just a mystery to them? Was the data collected at odd times? Articles 7 and 8 come before and after Source 6, making this a bit unclear.

Additional notes on sources/construction:


 * I do think you rely quite heavily on citations 3 and 5. Looking through their references, it looks like you could probably add some of those sources to diversity your references page and limit the reliance on those two articles.
 * The paragraph is quite large. I'm not entire sure where it could be cut, but in the context of the article you're editing, it may be best to cut it down into smaller pieces to help in reading.

I hope this helps!