User:Peter Jones 85/sandbox

Steven Matthew Oakes (born 28th June 1964) is Head of Digital at Red C Marketing.

A digital creative with over 18 years experience, Oakes has risen to the top of his profession through hard work, determination and the ability to tell the same stories a thousand times.

Early Life
Oakes grew up in the town of Shaw in Oldham with his parents Jane and Steven. His parents had first met for a drink years before in their local pub. Mr Oakes ordered a pint of bitter and a pint of 'snake bite', a popular cocktail in Oldham at the time. The bitter arrived as expected and ten minutes later a Steak Pie followed. A first date anecdote like that could not go to waste and Jane and Steve later married.

An idlyic upbringing for Oakes followed that also had it's challenges as several incidents will testify.

Disaster first struck when, in an attempt to dress like a clown, Oakes got a toilet seat stuck on his head. Several hours of pulling the seat and trying to force it over his unusually large ears failed leading Mrs Oakes to have to take him to the hospital. On a seperate time, Oakes proceeded to drink a full bottle of his dad's best aftershave.

Oakes also took up the Tuba AKA 'the thinking man's trumpet' - a decision that would later turn into a master stroke.

Education
Oakes was taught at his local school NAME OF SCHOOL which Ofsted rates as INSERT DETAIL. School life was going well until a disastrous school trip where Oakes was sat next to Christopher Boocock. Boocock excited by the day out proceeded to make a mess of himself leading to Oakes having to sit next to his young friend on the way home who was wearing just a towel on his lower half.

Oakes successfully progressed to Huddersfield University where he qualified with the best ever degree photo ever seen.

The Clint Boon Experience
Former Inspiral Carpets frontman Clint Boon decided that he needed a dancing tuba player, following intensive auditions Oakes was appointed as the man for the job and spent the next few years touring with the band. Unfortunately not much footage exists of Oakes is full flight but there is several photos.

The Festival Appearance
One of Oakes' finest hour was when he was introduced on stage at the Reading festival. As the deafening applause ended, a disgruntled voice shouted a single expletive at Oakes, a painful memory which has largely been credited as the driving force in all of Oakes success since.

In The Press
Further notority came for Oakes when he was made to remove a Clint Boon t-shirt during a night out in Huddersfield. As the NME reported "Oakes told NME: "This policeman came up to me and said my T-shirt was an obscenity and told me to put it on inside out. I said, 'No chance' so he demanded that I take it off and then he confiscated it. I had to wear my mate's jumper to get home as I didn't have another top."

BMG Universal
Oakes success with The Boon Army led to him being headhunted by a major publishing company. Oakes' role was to update websites and er...well...no body is really sure. It was during this time Oakes met his future partner Gemma Evans. Evans was instantly attracted to Oakes' trucker style cap and shirt that had real ties sown all over it. His meager wage was supplemented by a endless supply of expenses which caused further chance for stories.

The Wine Tasting
As part of his entertaining responsibilities, Oakes would often take clients for meals. One such meeting involved the manager of seminal rock band The Pixies. Eager to please his client, Oakes chose and tasted a wine giving it his express approval. The wine was subsequently sent back for being completely off.

Later Career
Sadly Oakes has since worked for three further companies where, apart from some low level bullying of colleagues, he has worked pretty hard with few incidents to report.

Personal Life
Oakes lives in the Chorlton Boarders region of South Manchester with his partner and cat. A big fan of cycling, Oakes met a man in Utrecht recently and ended the conversation with the line "Nice to meet you...and your bike".

On the 30th of August 2015, Oakes married his long term partner Gemma Evans from popular band The Answering Machine. The day was a beautiful affair with all those in attendance agreeing the best man's speech was the highlight of the day.

In Popular Culture
Oakes appeared as an extra in the video for The Answering Machine's song Cliffer. Oakes dressed as a mime for the event and set a record for the longest time he has ever gone without speaking.