User:Pickwickwoop/Mohammad Zaman/Cleverfruit Peer Review

General info
Pickwickwoop
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Pickwickwoop/Mohammad Zaman
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Mohammad Zaman

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

First Glance Impression 🤩

You did a great job of rewriting the "Life" section and the draft looks so satisfyingly neat!! I love it (and I was so annoyed by the writing in the original article). You definitely gave new life to this page and to this amazing artist!

Lead

I didn't find the lead in your sandbox draft and maybe you didn't get time to write one, but that's fine to some extent since you gave a really clear account to the artist's life. However, I think writing a lead would definitely be important to helping your readers grasp the content of the entire article quickly and easily. It is like an abstract of a long essay, and whether your reader will continue to read the following information you wrote is heavily dependent on this shortest but most vital part of your article. So I suggest you write a new lead for this article (and from the other writings you did I am sure it will be fantastic)! There is only one sentence in the original article, and it is so badly written that it did not provide any helpful information to the topic and major sections of the article.

Content

All contents are very relevant to the topic and are up to date. I love how you put a sufficient amount of effort into researching the painter's life. I wonder if you could provide more information of the painter's experience, training, and practices in relation to art and calligraphy, and I think that will probably be what the viewer of this website is looking for, since the person is best known as an artist and calligrapher. Also, to make the entire content more fruitful, I think adding some scholarly analysis or just more information about Zaman’s notable works would be really helpful and exciting. For now, I think all content looks fantastic and well researched, and you can consider adding some more interesting or attention-grabbing information to make it more fun-to-read (for instance, how did his religious, traveling, and studying-abroad experiences influence his style & work?).

Tone

All content was written using a third-person perspective and neutral in tone. There are no biased claims and all the writing are basically describing facts, which are very much desirable for an Wikipedia article! I think there is a little bit of trade-off between “being neutral and being interesting” (since to be neutral you tend to describe more facts and to be interesting you are prone to make more claims), but I tell that you will also do well (which will just make the already good even better) if you add in some referenced claims and authoritative viewpoints about the artist based on your writing so far!

Sources & References

All new content are backed up by reliable secondary source of information.

Organization

I really love the way you organized Zaman’s notable works in a table! It looks so neat, clear, and concise! Personally, I find the single paragraph in the “Life” section a bit long (and since it is all about some facts, readers may get a little bit tedious along the way). To me, I think if it is a famous artist like van Gough or Picasso, it is okay to have a paragraph in this length since there is an overwhelmingly. But for this painter that you are writing about, because of the limited amount of information available, it will be more easy-to-read if you can break this paragraph down into 2 or 3 small paragraphs (you can do this by dividing it with the painter’s “early years,” “middle age,” and  “Late years” or something else more creative). With that, it will be clearer for viewer to quickly skim through the content in a more organized and intuitive manner.

Images & Media

I saw there are some images of the painter’s work in the original article, and all the links you attached to the titles of the work direct me to the same images in the original article. The article will definitely be more attractive if there is image alongside the texts. But I suspect you are going to do that when we get to the point where we start to move our draft into the actual article, and maybe you are planning to do some layout arrangement by then. Just in case if this is what you are not planning to do, I suggest adding another column in the table for images of the artwork!