User:PinkGlitterGirl/Rachel Goldberg (Director)/Student19877 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?
 * pinkglittergirl


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:Rachel Goldberg
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Notes for the Lead section:

Overall, I think your lead section is really good. It is neutral, informative, and introduces your topics. The only thing is it may be a little bit short. If you could bulk it up a bit with some more details that would be great. I would think about adding information like date of birth, how long she has been in the film industry, her most famous projects, and if she has been involved in anything else (for example activism).

Notes for Early Life and Education section:

I think this section is really great and interesting. It's written in a neutral tone and is informative. I think maybe you should talk more about Goldberg's 4 part summer series (what is it about? when was it made? what is it called?), if that information was available. Also, I'm not really familiar with the term "summer series" and I don't know if many people are so you may want to explain what that is a little bit. The last thing I would say is that I believe we were told to refrain from using quotations which you use two times in this section. Instead of writing "It was here where Goldberg fell “in love with film”..." I would write something like "It was here, where/that Goldberg found her affinity for film..." This avoids the use of quotation marks, but you can still cite the source where you found this information. As for this part; "...which she calls her “first love”," I'm not sure if the quotations are really necessary. I think you can just write that she called film her first love, as long as it's cited, which it is.

Notes for Career section:

I really like how you provided an introductory sentence and then organized the information about her career into sections: film, television, and Academia. I think it makes this section look really structured and the information is organized in a way that is easy to read and follow. In the introductory sentence, I would provide a time frame of how long she has been active in the industry, and if she is still working.

I think the section about her work in film is really great, written neutrally, and very rich in information. The one thing I would suggest is to add a quick summary of her film work at the beginning of this paragraph. This sentence could summarize the kind of work she has done, themes in her work, and/or what kind of topics her work covers.

I think the section about her work in television is also very interesting and well-written. I would maybe add a quick sentence at the beginning to summarize her work in television. I noticed one grammatical error; "... Goldberg's feature directorial debut with action comedy The BM, written..." You should put a comma before "the BM" as well as after. Also the title should be italicized

I think the section about her work in academia is very interesting and I don't have any notes for how to improve it.

Notes for Filmography and Awards section:

I really like how this information is organized. It is easy to follow and all the relevant information is there.