User:PiratePale/Red Lake shootings/Ucblueashmorgan Peer Review

General info
PrivatePale
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:PiratePale/Red Lake shootings/Bibliography
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Red Lake shootings

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Peer Review Lead In:

- The article does well with the amount of statistical information about the Native Americans reservations and the different rates.

-Some changes I would suggests to the author would be deleting sources that are not being used. This would make an improvement by cleaning up the article and making sure the right sources are being used and read about with the topic.

-Another change I would suggest is adding a source that would prove the statement in the article. The statement in the article I would suggest to add a source to would be after talking about the "On average, the death rate from alcohol related accidents on Native American reservations is 7.4x the national average." I suggest adding a source because it's a average rate where did it come from and how was it found?

Article Lead Section:

- Looking at the lead section I would add more. It states one a the main topics about how alcohol is a big problem but it doesn't state the rest of the problems Native Americans were suffering from.

-I think the lead weighed more about the problem Native Americans had with alcohol then there quality of life and health.

Structure:

-In the article I think it would make more sense to have the topic about location, economics, and politics before the suicide and quality of life/health. For example the suicide and quality of life/health topic talks about Native Americans problems and logically it would make sense to talk about the generally location and the economic aspect first.

Neutral Content:

-The article focus too much on negative information, maybe adding in what Native Americans do to stay happy or what they do to try to change the negative/hard times and problems they go through.