User:Piscesinterlude/Social presence theory/KhaleesiArya Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

PiscesInterlude


 * Link to draft you're reviewing/ Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Social presence theory

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead reflects new information, however it is a lot of dense detail all at once up front. The introductory statement is great, but the rest of the lead is a lot of names and buzzwords that can be cleaned up and built upon later in the article. They would be perfect for, and make more sense in, the origins section. The lead could give a generic overview of the topic and the facets that will be discussed later on.

The content is relevant, however the origins section is a little confusing. The actual origins of the term have been left in the lead. The lead also insinuates that the concept solely relies on the use of human-computer interactions, yet later redefines the term to include face-to-face communication. I think a clearer understanding of where the term came from and how it is currently used would help improve the article. The additional research section takes a bit too long to get to the technology aspect of how the term has evolved. Once the article hits the classification of media section, it is much smoother sailing.

In this case, the neutrality of the article is tricky due to the fact that the definition of the term isn’t clearly defined. The classification of media section and below  is the best representation of neutral content and a lack of persuasion. The first half of the article seems to have been written by an entirely different person. There is not much cohesion from beginning to end.

Sources are well used and well placed. References and sources span decades and encompass the entire history of the term from a wide variety of sources. The tables that were added for information are extremely helpful in displaying the information, as well as providing much needed breakup of text blocks.

Overall, matching the tone and style of the first half of the article with the second half will bring the article together in a powerful way. Cleaning up the lead and origins should set you on the right path.