User:Pitke/List of dog breeds of truly unique and astoundingly consistent excellence

Created in honour of List of horse breeds promoters claim "truly primitive bred pure since Adam and Eve", this page lists dog breeds whose promoters make great claims.


 * Afghan Hound
 * 1) Truly primitive and bred pure since Adam and Eve!


 * $PIT TYPE BREED
 * 1) Truly ancient breed of dog favoured by Queen Victoria, the Roman emperors, and the noble mammoth hunter!
 * 2) Developed truly and completely separate from those awful baiting/fighting dogs.
 * 3) Truly and completely devoid of dog and human aggression.
 * 4) Truly and completely devoid of aggression at any degree, to the point we'll happily have strangers shove their faces to our dogs' in crammed, loud, chaotic events!
 * 5) Truly and completely trustworthy in presence of infants and little dogs.
 * 6) Any individual that is not, was unscrupulously bred, has its ancestry lied about, had a tragic early life, was trained wrong, succumbed to a brain tumour that could affect any breed, or was divinely informed that the target of their attack was evil and undeserving of their oxygen.


 * Poodle
 * 1) Truly ancient breed of dog favoured by Queen Victoria, the Roman emperors, and the noble mammoth hunter!
 * 2) It makes perfect sense that putting five pounds of coat on one pound of dog is somehow related to shearing a curly retriever in the 18th century to make it less likely to drown and take less than a week to dry up.
 * 3) It makes perfect sense to disallow hold sprays and wigs in shows for a breed whose main attraction is its unique coat quality.
 * 4) It makes perfect sense to allow hold sprays and wigs anyway.


 * Poodle hybrids
 * 1) Truly ancient breed of dog favoured by we're not sure exactly! Please don't ask! Look at this fluffy fluffy puppy!
 * 2) Better than a Poodle because you aren't bound by law to shave this one's butt!
 * 3) Exactly like a Lab/Golden/Chihuahua except non-shedding, never mind that we had to breed back to Poodle a few times to make sure it's non-shedding. So practically just a curly Lab/Golden/Chihuahua.
 * 4) Magically incapable of triggering or aggravating allergy or asthma. Ever. No matter how much you let its mop coat such up dust, pollen, and grime.
 * 5) Mating two dogs of different breeds sure is hard work, the doubled price tag on the puppy is fully justifiable!


 * Saluki
 * 1) Truly primitive and bred pure since Adam and Eve!


 * $EXTREME BRACHYCEPHALIC BREED
 * 1) The snorting/snoring/sneezing/gasping is a feature, not a bug.
 * 2) Snorting/snoring/sneezing/gasping is adorable.
 * 3) Laboured waddling is majestic.
 * 4) There's nothing wrong making scaffolding for a stud who otherwise cannot physically serve.
 * 5) There's nothing wrong with breeding with the full expectation that the puppies will not be able to be whelped naturally.
 * 6) There's nothing wrong with titling a dog who cannot waddle a full round in the ring without needing ice packs afterwards.


 * Mutts
 * 1) Magically immune to any and all inheritable diseases and conditions.
 * 2) Any and all desirable qualities in a mutt are thanks to its mutt status, not the selection of breeds/types/individuals in  its ancestry.