User:Pkayku/Carolyn Parker/Rubyrae123 Peer Review

General info
Pkayku
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:Editing User:Pkayku/Carolyn Parker - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Carolyn Parker - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Carolyn Parker - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall Impression:

A great deal of information was added to this article and it appears well researched. I think the editor did a good job recognizing gaps within the existing sections and finding the information to expand on the missing information. Looking at the types of sources gathered was helpful for me to build upon my article.

Lead:

Additions to the lead section have made it overly detailed. It is now three long paragraphs and the language is not concise. The second paragraph of the lead section should be removed. The addition of the third lead paragraph is useful and should remain included

Early Life:

I enjoy the addition of relationships in the list of her sibling's accomplishments. I also think it is interesting to acknowledge that the schools she attended for her primary and secondary education were segregated. Also the addition about her father being one of the first black doctors in the area she grew up was interesting. Are there any surviving interviews with Carolyn Parker about how her family influenced her career path?

Education:

Overall good additions were made in this section, however the language in the line "Parker was inspired to pursue physics at Fisk University..." feels unobjective without any citation of a direct source speaking to Parker's emotional decisions in her pursuit of physics.

Career

Once again the line "Wishing to carry out her patriotic duty" supplies motivations to Carolyn Parker without evidence, it reads like a line meant to add color and feels out of place in the article.

The information added about her actual work and what types of research she was involved with.

Legacy

Once again the language becomes persuasive, reads more like a novel than a Wikipedia article.