User:Planti345/Death and the Internet/Mmswens Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) Planti345/Death and the Internet


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Planti345/Death_and_the_Internet?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Death and the Internet
 * Death and the Internet

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

All in all, I thought this was a great start to the overall Wikipedia project and puts you in a good starting point. I only really have just a few notes that I would like to suggest to further strengthen your writing and make your final submission really interesting to read. Fist of all, I would provide some sort of brief intro or background just before jumping right into the article and issue that the article presents. Though you presented the facts and the issues surround the topic of the article very well, it was very dry. I didn't feel like there was a good hook that convinced me too keep reading further. Second, I thought you did a great job citing the work you referred to when you started researching this topic. I liked how you cited the source every time it was mentioned. This is very important as you don't want your portion of the article to be unreliable due to copyright fraud. Lastly, I thought your overall grammar was pretty good. It was easy to read in the sense that I could clearly comprehend what you were saying. Overall good job and just make sure you make the writing a bit more lively so it's interesting for the audience and they become easily engaged with what it is you have to say.