User:Pmolina09

Hi Pmolina09,

You did a great job overall with your article, it was so sad to see how little information there was on Tsuneko Okazaki's wikipedia page prior to your edit. I felt like the amount of information you included in each section was very balanced and your article wasn't skewed towards one aspect of her life over another. Also the article was easy to read and is accessible to a broad range of people. A couple notes I had when reading your article were you mention Dr. Okazaki worked on research that had to do with RNA primers and I thought it would be really interesting to delve deeper into her research on that. Also, another part that was a little confusing was when you talked about Dr. Okazaki returning from the US to Japan after graduate school in the Family Life section. Maybe mentioning when Dr Ozazaki first moved to the US and also where she went to graduate school might tie this whole section together and flow better for the reader. Overall this article was devoid of bias and was very informative so good job!

-Danielle

Feedback on Tsuneko Okazaki (by Manvita Mareboina)

·       I think it would help in the introduction to perhaps make it more interesting by elaborating on the importance of okazaki fragments and their discovery to modern day science.

·       The early life and education portion seems to have fragmented sentences that do not connect to each other too well. Maybe include transitions such as “the new Japanese constitution allowed women to attend the same colleges as men which lead Dr. Okazaki to become one fo the first generation…”

·       Also I think it would be better to address her as Dr. Okazaki or use her full name.

·       The sentence with the university she studied in and the one about her PhD could be combined to prevent the fragmented appearance of this portion.

·       The content was overall very good and there was no bias. The structure is also good in terms of organization of the overall article.

·       When you say “Tsuneko continued her research” maybe elaborate on what this research is so it does not sound so vague.

·       There were a good amount of references but it may be more effective to have more on her past research. Having specifics on her discoveries and the impact she had on the community would make the article more effective too.

·       The article was interesting and had a lot of useful information.

·       I do not think images would be necessary for this as you give a biography.

·       I like the later research contributions section, it is very effective, but maybe including what the research projects associated with DNA are would be better.

Overall, the format is very good, but working on elaborating each section on what her research was and maybe more on the impact would make it a more solid article. However, it was very interesting to read more about her and it is a very important article to have put out about her. There are some sentences that can be improved in terms of connecting the previous thought to the present one, but the overall structure was very good! I think that adding more on her research including perhaps how the Okazaki fragments were discovered and other research projects she was involved in can help add to the scientific background on her and will aid in understanding more aspects of her life. Also adding information on other passions or aspects of her life may help develop her personality as a whole to give us a better overall feel for her life.

Hi Pmolina09,

Here are some quick notes on your article. I think you did a great job overall!

First off, fix grammar and spelling for all paragraphs. The errors are not flagging, but they are scattered throughout the paragraphs.

I think it would be interesting to learn more about Tsuneko’s childhood and upbringing. What did her parents do? Etc.

In the transition between early life/education to family life, there seems to be conflicting sentences as to when Tsuneko met Reiji. The last sentence in early life should be moved to family life.

In the early research contributions paragraph, you should explain what thymideine-diphosphate rhamnose is and its significance. When you say “to further their research”, what research? You keep mentioning research, but what was Tsuneko trying to research? What was she trying to find?

Mentioning Reiji’s death seems a little redundant, as it is not the most important statement in this article.

Later career involvement is concise and to the point. A little confused with why it is later career involvement and not just career involvement in general? It is also slightly misleading to title this portion career involvement if the entire paragraph describes the positions that she held throughout her life.

Instead of saying later, maybe say current research?

Overall, the Wikipedia page does provide some great information on Tsuneko Okazaki’s life and her contributions to research. It is not biased and the sentences are generally clear and understandable, even for a high school student. There are points in the article, in particular the early research contributions and in the later research contributions, that need to be elaborated on. Instead of simply saying research, you should explain what her research is. One aspect of Tsuneko Okazaki that I would be interested in learning more is her actual outlook on research or other aspects of life. I feel like while this article does a great job of stating facts about Tsuneko Okazaki, I don't get quite a sense of who Tsuneko is as a person, her beliefs and her values. That could be interesting to add. Structurally, I feel like there is a large portion of her life missing if each paragraph is labeled either “early” or “later”. Despite the comments, I did enjoy reading this article. It is informative and does Tsuneko Okazaki justice!

Thanks,

wpongster8

Things that are missing from article that I can contribute through researching more about Okazaki:

Other research that Okazaki has done besides that on Okazaki fragments.

Description of what her family life was like.

Other jobs and involvements she has been in throughout her life.

Outside and concurrent research that led up to her own research topic of Okazaki fragments.

Works at the time that influenced/contributed to the Okazaki's work:

It was in her graduate school, Nagoya University, that Watson and Crick published their paper on the structure of DNA and its possible formation and replication mechanisms, which proved a gateway of information for people like Okazaki who began doing research in this area. Arthur Kornberg, also in these times, discovered what was termed DNA polymerase, which helped further describe DNA biosynthesis.

Early work that Tsuneko contributed to:

Their early research consisted of studying frog eggs and sea urchins to study DNA synthesis and specific nucleotide characteristics. This work led to the discovery of thymidine-diphosphate rhamnose, a sugar linked nucleotide, which then opened up the doors for them to work at Washington University and Standford University in the labs of J. L. Strominger and Arthur Kornberg, respectively, where their was a lot more availability of resources to further their research.

Other awards and involvement she has been throughout her life:

When it came to academia, she became the Associate Professor in Molecular Biology at the School of Science in Nagoya University up to the year 1983, when she then became a lead Professor until 1997. Afterwards, she became a professor at the Institute of Comprehensive Medical Science, Fujita Health University for about five years and then at this same institute became a visiting professor up to 2008. However, throughout the years of 2004 to 2007, her main job was found in Stockholm Office where she was the Director of Japan Society for the Promotion of Science. She also was CEO/President and director of Chromo Research Inc. up from 2008 to 2015. Other recognitions included "the Medal with Purple Ribbon in 2000, the Order of the Sacred Treasure, Gold Rays with Neck Ribbon in 2008."

Other work that Tsuneko Okazaki has contributed to throughout her years:

This article specifically talks about looking at mice that have characteristics of down syndrome and through them trying to understand the genotype-phenotype characteristics of down syndrome

Contributions to research on the human centromere and further discovery of its function

Article provides much insight into what Okazaki is doing in recent years & further insight into her contribution to the discovery of Okazaki fragments even after her husband died. Also specifies different awards they one throughout the years. Also talks about different job opportunities Okazaki took up.

Also provides more insight on what her family life was like.

Specifies where she did her research throughout the years and gives more info on what is meant by the fact that she was awarded as someone who has cultural merit