User:Pola859

Love Addiction - A healthy relationship

Autonomy, the want of being seperate. Growing up there has to be a balance between Belonging and Autonomy.

independece and seperateness

enmeshment is a feeling of being smothererd, of being engolfed with love.

it might cause a fear of intimacy. a fear of getting close. if the shame trip the child for not responding the way they want them to

Abandonment

if you grow up with parents that were alcoholic, drug addicts, that got divorced very early or with very traditional parents where the parents do not talk about feelings you are going to feel some kind of abandonment.

indivilatuity

Belonging                 Autonmoy

Enmeshment              Abandonment

Pursuer                  Distancer

the minute they pursue the distancer is going to feel enmeshed again and is going to back away. but evantually what tends to happen, the persuer tends to feel so discourage that they allow the abandonment to wash over them and they are goin to slowly move away which allows the distancer to feel free again.

merge again, if she hasn't found anyone else to be addicted to

push pole relationship

when the distancer comes back to you, what did he learn? individuation problems they have, go back to childhood and nurture themselves if you did not get it in childhood you can only get it youself.

once they feel safe again they will go distance again

lack of indivaduation if they just allow themselves to go into their own history...

in the 50s and 60s it was common that the male went off to work

a male child haveing the histoy having to deal with an enmeshing mother and the female child of having been adandoned by her father

addicted love vs. healthy love

the characteristics of addicive love the partners tend to feel consumed with their neediness, with the idea of the other doesn't happen on a day to day basis consumption and desperatness with that love when there is a threaten of break up

can not define legal boundaries often you hear people talking people about 'us' "we believe this" "we believe that" but often the partner does not even believe that at all.

one person is the give the other is the taker it limits the individuals to allow yourself to feel free

the feel risk to change in the unknown when they see the other partner growing (like one partner goes back to school) the other partner fees threatened.

the experience very little individual growth they give to get something back the play psychological games

attempt to change the other

most people will look at cimmunication skills ..

they feel they need the other to be complete

the expect and demand unconditional love. in this case it is parental love

refuse to commit themselves

they look to others for affirmation and worth

they fear Abandonment when routinely separated

they recreat old negative feelings out of childhood

blind spot

embivalence

co-dependence

power games

healthy relationships

to allow for indivaduatlity

equanimity

they bring out the best qualities in a partner and in themselves

a good relationship is where to strong individuals get together and are able to blend as well as to be seperate