User:Porshainielsen/Teenage pregnancy in the United States/Ellietuskluvr Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Porshainielsen's


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Porshainielsen/Teenage_pregnancy_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Teenage pregnancy in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
LEAD

Do we know why it is 20 and under and not 18 and under?

Could be nice to have a statistic/citation for sentence 2.

Sentence 3 needs a citation.

What disparities are we talking about, can we be more specific?

INCREASED PREGNANCY RISK FACTORS IN TEENAGERS

grammar sentence 1: could also just say "in a young, female adolescent's".

Wording of sentence 2: Factors like race (see below), sexuality, homelessness....can increase the likelihood of a teenage female becoming pregnant." A cool stat about one of these factors could be a nice addition.

2nd paragraph is more of a reiteration of what you already covered in the first paragraph. Maybe focus on expanding on the different factors you outlined. It would also be worth elaborating on the Jessor Problem Behavior Theory in at least 1 sentence.

BY ETHNICITY

Citation of sentence 1 under "Teen birth rates decline by racial groups" is incomplete.

Statistics are really interesting, could we tie in studies that outline the reason for these numbers?

PREVENTION: THE CONTRIBUTION OF ABSTINENCE AND CONTRACEPTIVE USE

Wording of the last paragraph does not flow as well as the previous paragraphs in this section. I would almost start it with saying something like " There have in face been studies on how sex education has had an impact on deterring the rate of teenage pregnancy. A study published in the American Journal of Public Health..."

GREAT JOB OVERALL-- it is incredibly anxiety-provoking to put your work out there! Way to find statistics and use them to amplify the article!!