User:Potassium Yttrium/Tom choate/Chicken Nuggets In A Blender Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Potassium Yttrium


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Potassium Yttrium/Tom choate


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * I don't think a current version exists, correct me if I'm wrong!

Evaluate the drafted changes
The first sentence feels pretty wonky to me. I would add in a comma after "2013" and include the word "the" after that same comma. Since this occasion happened in the past, I would change "is" to "was" to change the sentence to the past tense. Another comma to consider would be after the word "Denali." Also, changing the word seventy-eight to its' numerical form might be better. I've displayed my edits of this sentence below:

On June 28, 2013, the 100th year anniversary of the first ascent of Denali, Tom Choate was recognized as the oldest person to summit Denali, at the age of 78 years old.

In the section "Life Careers and Education" there's a lot of variation of how years are written. For example, there is '58, 1957, 2015, late 70s, 80s, etc. I would suggest confining all of these variations into one dating format that all of which will follow. This way, the years are all fluid and there's no questioning the dates (if someone became confused).

Under the "Mountaineering Experience" section, look into adding a comma after the year and before "located." Also, I'm not sure how I feel about the rotating starting words of "summited, climbed, ascended, peaked, etc." However, using the same word for each would get repetitive, so I guess you did it in a better manner. I see you added a few hyperlinks for the glaciers and peaks, try to add more hyperlinks for the rest of the locations that are missing in this section.

Overall, I really like what you are doing and how it's coming together. I believe you are on the right track and can't wait to see it finished - good job!