User:Printf(/Sandbox/Martinez and Caldwell

Police Cops was a buddy cop series based on the real-life relationship between Los Angeles Police Department officers Adam Martinez and Thomas Caldwell. It ran on various networks from 1978 to 1984. Its survival has been attributed in part to its being picked up by a different network each year. It was noted for its frequent celebrity guest star appearances. It was syndicated by the WB (now known as the CW) from 1996 to 1998. Though critically reviled, it retained a devoted cult following through its time on the air. Acclaimed critic Chad Winbush complained, "IT'S A BAD MOVIE!!!!!!!". It currently airs on the Hallmark Channel in the United States, following Walker, Texas Ranger, and on Serbia's Can I Have One of Them, Please? network.

Creation
Martinez and Caldwell had long been dreaming of having their own television show. They pitched several ideas to the major networks, and after meeting rejection time after time, Martinez came up with a new plan. On December 25, 1976, Martinez kidnapped the wife of then-NBC President Herb Schlosser, demanding his own television show.

Production
We went through cameramen like they were cheap suits. I swear, Ed's first day on the job, guess what? Crushed by a bus! And Joe! Rattler got him right in the throat! We just couldn't catch a break!

Main characters
Officer Adam McKay Rodriguez De La Rosa Sanchez Francisco Cordero Martinez (himself) is an officer for the Los Angeles Police Department. He is of Mexican and Cuban descent, and speaks with a Mexican-American accent. Martinez is 6'2". He has short, jet-black hair and a large Fu Manchu moustache. His character is shown to be reckless and daring, often abandoning his car (which he has dubbed "The Car-tinez") just before it explodes or falls off of a cliff into water, etc. His catchphrase is "Just in time...", which he utters dramatically each time he bails out of his cruiser. Martinez has a Russian arch-nemesis named Vladivostok, who often attempts to murder Martinez & Caldwell. Martinez is married to a Venezuelan woman named Elizabeth. Together, they have a son, Justin Time Martinez, named after Martinez's catchphrase. Martinez claims that the show depicts exactly how things happened when he was actually on the force. Though Martinez performs all of his own stunts, he claims to have never sustained any serious injury while shooting the show. The show centers around his relationship, on and off the job, with Thomas Caldwell. Martinez has a brother named Jose, (Erik Estrada) who is also a police officer. Martinez was born on June 9, 1945. Martinez's favorite number is 69.

Officer Thomas Christopher Caldwell (himself) is an officer for the Los Angeles Police Department, alongside Adam Martinez. He is Canadian, and often brings up his pride in his country. Caldwell was a star fullback for the Canadian Football League's Toronto Argonauts, wearing jersey number 15. However, he gave up his football career to become a cop. At the show's start, Caldwell lived with his cousin Lance, (William Shatner) who is also Canadian. However, after Lance's death, Caldwell moved in with Martinez. In contrast to Martinez's rash, daredevil persona, Caldwell is generally quite laid back, at times to the point of laziness. Caldwell is somewhat overweight, and he often comes up with his own weight loss methods (none of which work); his main method is cutting circular holes in everything he eats and drinks (thus, for the sake of convenience, donuts are his favorite food). He despises Boston cream donuts for being so inconvenient for dieting. He is always concerned about Martinez's dangerous stunts, saying, "Oh, Martinez..." after most stunts. His catchphrase is "Oh, jeez!", which he says whenever he and Martinez are about to enter a dangerous situation. His secondary catchphrase is "Keep it clean, folks". Caldwell has suffered several strokes, so he usually speaks an unintelligible version of Canadian English. However, in the Season 5 episode "A Stroke of Genius", he suffers a stroke and speaks perfect English until another stroke at the end of the episode, after which he returns to his usual speech. Caldwell has a father named Walter, played by Wilford Brimley. Caldwell was born on November 14, 1941.

Officer Jonathan Pennington "Snappy" Snapwell (himself) is an officer for the Los Angeles Police Department. The accident-prone Snappy often serves as the show's comic relief. Despite his tendency to get blown up, Snappy is always upbeat and optimistic. Snappy often goes into a seizure when he gets too excited. Born to Mormon parents, Snappy is the 26th of 33 children. One of Snappy's brothers, Horatio "Snippy" Snapwell, (William H. Macy) lives with Snappy in an apartment. Snappy's love interest, Darlene, (Crystal Gayle) is the daughter of LAPD Sheriff Dick Tangfield (Nohnjy Shac). In the series finale, Snappy and Darlene get married, and it is revealed that Darlene is pregnant with Snappy's child. Snappy's best friend is his beloved Saint Bernard Sniffy. Snappy's catchphrase is "I'm alright, guys!", which he exclaims after improbably surviving one of his many accidents. (189 by the show's end) His secondary catchphrase is "Yippie!". Snappy is a fan of professional wrestling, as evidenced by the Season 5 episode "Snappy Is a Fan of Professional Wrestling". Snappy is also a fan of Journey, and is seen humming the band's hit Don't Stop Believin' in many episodes. Snappy was born on June 8, 1953. Snappy is 5'7", and weighs 157 pounds.

Richard Woodrow "Dick" Tangfield (Johnny Cash, credited as Nohnjy Shac) is the sheriff of the Los Angeles Police Department. Tangfield was born in Waxahachie, Texas. He is an avid fan of the Dallas Cowboys and is occasionally seen wearing a Roger Staubach jersey. Tangfield has been married (and subsequently divorced) seven times. He has a daughter named Darlene (Crystal Gayle), who becomes Snappy's girlfriend in season 4 and eventually marries him. Tangfield is a racist and a homophobe, as he often refers to Martinez as "the wetback" and on at least one occasion has called Snappy "that little blonde faggot". Tangfield was born on October 22, 1923.

Peppermint Jermaine Simmons, better known as Peppermint Stick, (Mr. T) is an African American pimp who has been Martinez's best friend since they were children. He often supplies the members of the LAPD with either weapons or hookers, depending on his mood. Peppermint Stick's catchphrase is "Keep it Peppah, brotha!". Stick was born on July 7, 1947. Stick is 5'9".

Sniffy (David Caruso) is Snappy's Saint Bernard companion and is an honorary member of the LAPD. Although he is clearly just a man in a dog suit, the other characters act as if he is an actual dog. At the conclusion of the two-part season 4 finale, Sniffy is shot during a gunfight with Martinez's rival Vladivostok. However, Sniffy was "alright, guys!" in his owner's words, and he went on to act as the best man at Snappy's wedding. Sniffy was born sometime in the summer of 1973.

Recurring characters
Vladivostok (James Woods) was Martinez's Russian rival. He often concocted ridiculous schemes in which he attempted to kill Martinez, but they always failed. However, he did once succeed at shooting Sniffy, although Sniffy survived. In the series finale, Vladivostok is finally shot and killed by Martinez after he attempts to disrupt Snappy's wedding. Vladivostok's catchphrase was "I am coming for to get you, Martinez!".

Leeford Crosby "Lee" Shecklenburg (himself) is a very short man with a handlebar moustache who believes that he is in the year 1942. He often annoys Martinez & Caldwell by using slang terms from the '40s and asking them if they "Wanna fight about it?". Shecklenburg is always seen wearing an enormous striped hat and a matching trench coat. At the end of all of his appearances, he attempts to begin a musical number, but is shot by Martinez before he can do so.

Tim Wakefield (himself) is a young baseball prospect who often uses nonsensical similes, such as "He was like a hedgehog tryin' to play dodgeball with a chipmunk" and "He's about as fast as an asterisk on roller skates". In the series finale, Wakefield finally comes up with a simile that makes sense. While celebrating, he runs out into the street and gets hit by a bus.

Robert Loggia (himself) is a famous actor who always angers Martinez by spelling out his own name in a long-winded manner. He is usually shot by Martinez before he can finish his spelling, although in the Season 6 episode "A Fridge Too Far" he trips over a grenade and gets blown up.

Julius "Doctor J" Erving (himself) is an NBA superstar who also serves as the LAPD's medical specialist. His solution for most ailments is "some of that funk, yo". He does not have any medical degrees whatsoever, although he claims to have a "degree in funk". He is good friends with both Peppermint Stick and Martinez. In the Season 6 episode "I Believe I Can Die", Doctor J gets hit by a car and is seemingly killed, but he returns alive and well in the series finale, in which he reveals that he staged his death "just for the hell of it". (In real life, Erving was fired after getting into a shoving match on the set with co-star Nohnjy Shac and had to be written out of the show)

Officer Richard Robert (Thomas Hanks) is an incompetent cop who joined the force simply because he "wants to go fast". He never actually catches any criminals, as he simply speeds by them at 160 miles per hour. The character served as the inspiration for the title character from Will Ferrell's Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. In 2007, Martinez & Caldwell successfully sued Ferrell for $40 million dollars for copyright infringement.

Lance Tyrone Caldwell (William Shatner) is Caldwell's cousin. Born in Canada, he came to America at the age of twenty-two. Lance always wears a t-shirt with a maple leaf on it, and he ends all of his sentences with "Eh?". Lance was killed off in a shootout in the Season 3 finale.

Officer Patrick Francis "Potatoes" McNeely (himself) is a member of the LAPD. He is very proud of his Irish heritage, and he is almost always seen while eating a potato, hence the name. He has heavily modified all of his guns so that they fire potatos instead of bullets. He is an accomplished tenor, as seen in the Season 4 premiere, in which he sings Danny Boy at Lance's funeral. McNeely was born on March 17, 1940.

Music
Other than You Dropped a Bomb on Me (The Gap Band), all of the show's transitional and incidental music is by the masterful William Kelley. The basis for the soundtrack consists of each character's signature song:


 * 1) Martinez: El Bueno Martinez's El Bueno Theme Song
 * 2) Caldwell: (Oh) Caldwell, Doesn't He Scald Well?
 * 3) Sniffy: Sniffy Gets Shot
 * 4) Martinez, Caldwell: Martinez & Caldwell's Crime Watch Waltz
 * 5) Martinez, Caldwell: Martinez & Caldwell's Big Drama

Motion picture
A Police Cops film is currently in pre-production and is scheduled for an August 2019 release. Ben Stiller and Ellen DeGeneres are currently attached to star as Martinez and Caldwell, respectively. Jack McBrayer has signed on to play Snappy. A theme song for the film, "You Don't Mess With The 5-0 (Sucka)" has been recorded by Snoop Dogg, (who will take over the role of Peppermint Stick for the film) the surviving members of Run-D.M.C., and James Blunt.

DVD release
The complete series is currently in a staggered release. The first release was of Season 5, and the second was of Season 1. The most recent release, Season 3, came in December of 2004. The remaining four seasons are scheduled for release by Christmas of 2018, and the complete series set release will accompany the release of the last season. Each DVD contains never-before-seen "Just In Time" bloopers, as well as commentary from the stars.

Video game
A Police Cops video game is planned for release in early 2020. It will follow the show's plot with missions, and also allow the player to freely fight crime and create cinematic sequences of their best crime fighting action. Mini-games will be an additional option for gameplay; known examples are Snappy's "I'm Alright, Guys!" and Peppermint Stick's "Peppermint My Stick".