User:Qaniaf/Addison Rae/Sarahhelennicholson Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Qaniaf's article


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Qaniaf/Addison Rae


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Addison Rae

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, I think you've obviously made a lot of progress on this article. Here are my notes:


 * I think adding the Early Life section was a great addition.
 * I would take out the "actually" in "Addison's parents actually got divorced."
 * You could maybe find a better photo of her.
 * The following sentence I think could be more factual and less subjective if that makes any sense. "The 41 year-old and 19-year old have kicked it off ever since and what seems now to be best friends as they are often seen with each other"
 * so maybe change it to something like "the two stars are now often seen with each other"
 * I just think taking out "what seems now to be" would add more to your article to make it more factual
 * The activism and philanthropy section was a great addition
 * Does the artist for the music video she was in have a wiki page you could link?
 * Change "On that same month, Addison released a weekly" to "In that same month, Addison released a weekly"
 * When talking about the podcast, "only exclusively" is redundant so take out "only"
 * Instead of saying "Rae was given the chance to become a presenter" I would recommend just saying "Rae was a presenter" to fit the tone of wiki articles
 * Is she still in the Hype House?

I really enjoyed the relevant information you added to the article, I look forward to seeing the progress you make on it!