User:Quantapus

The Quantapus
The Quantapus is a mysterious creature believed to exist in Horseshoe lagoon on the west side of the NSW town of Albury in Australia. (36•04’38.46”S, 146•52’44.27” E)

It is believed by the local residents that the Quantapus came into existence due to genetic mutation caused by the high levels of junk including rotten quinces and bong water floating down the river from the nearby town of Howlong which is inhabited by Hillbillies and Bogans.

Sightings by local youths, who frequent the lagoon because of its success as a fishing hole, including William See the owner of the local PanLan Chinese restaurant, report the Quantapus to be similar in appearance to an octopus but with the two distinct differences that it has only four tentacles and is approximately the same size as a red 1988 Toyota Camry.



Several unexplained disappearances in the Horseshoe Lagoon area including the mysterious disappearance of 15 year old Jordan “Plasmo” Plasm on Halloween 2005 as well as the losses of large numbers of stock from the nearby farm owned by Gary Phelps make the residents of West Albury certain that the Quantapus does exist and that, unlike regular octopi, it is a carnivore and has a thirst for the blood of local children and Black Angus cattle.

There are many groups in the West Albury area who dedicate their time to trying to prove the existence of the Quantapus and many have claimed to have seen it, even to have been dragged into the lagoon to an underwater cave where the quantapus spends its solitary life. These abductees claim marvellous escape stories which could not be published due to copyright laws in effect because of the impending publish of the book The Quantapus- the creature of the lagoon by local hero Liam Kirby who is reported to have escaped the clutches of the Quantapus on no less than 7 occaisions.

Although no one has ever gained substantial proof of the existence of the Quantapus, the locals –like the locals of Loch Ness- remain positive that the Quantapus does exist and after a taxpayer funded $4 million search conducted by local scientists Timothy-Bede Esler and Patrick Josephs III residents of this quiet country town hope to once and for all prove the existence of this unique beast and hopefully put an end to the inhumane killings it conducts on West Albury’s innocent citizens.

References The Quantapus- the creature of the lagoon, Liam Kirby, Albury Jockitup Publishings, 2006 Interviews with West Albury residents- Dane Keenes, Liam Scammell, William See, Michael McDermott, Jesse Wellington, Alexander Ahern, Liam Kirby, Kieran Edwards, Adam Kittelty, Sebastien Rodriguez, emo boy and Andre’ Dess,