User:Queselaselaaa/Diabetes and pregnancy/Calgirl22 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Queselaselaaa


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Queselaselaaa/Diabetes_and_pregnancy?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
For one, I think the edited sentence should have a cited link to support the claim. Here you're stating the concerns of pregnant women which is speaking for a specified group of people. I would maybe restate the claim to keep it neutral. Instead of stating they are "thinking" about these concerns, explain that some concerns of pregnant women may include (insert concerns here). For example, you could say "one concern that may present itself to pregnant women is the health of the baby, whether or not it will come out healthy; because this is more of a selfless thought for newborn moms whereas thinking of their own health is never really considered. Diabetes, especially within the Pacific Islander women community, is one of the common risk factors that they face".(insert citation) It is mostly just the first half of the statement in front of the semi-colon that need revision.