User:Rakin21/Sebastien Rale/HarrisonGale84 Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Rakin21
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Rakin21/sandbox

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer? No
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic? No
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? No
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article? No
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed? N/A

Lead evaluation
I'm not sure that this draft has a lead section. But regarding the first paragraph of the draft, I think it would help to mention the year or the period where Rale studied the Native language. Also the year that he was sent to the mission in Illinois. The first sentence of the draft seems to be opinionated, and doesn't reference what area of the New World.

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? Yes
 * Is the content added up-to-date? Yes
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong? No

Content evaluation
The only information I have looked at regarding Rale is the existing Wikipedia article, so I could be wrong regarding the draft content. In the second paragraph, Rale's compassion towards the Abnaki is referenced, but it seems like he may have also been motivated by hatred or animosity towards the English. Is there any evidence to support his supposed motivations? In the fourth paragraph, I would suggest moving the last sentence before the sentence about the English treaty. Also, what was the name of the treaty? There are a few other discrepancies between the draft article and the existing article, one example is the last sentence regarding the death count at the Battle of Norridgewock. Another is the reason that the English stopped trading with the Abenaki. In the draft it is because of Rale's demand that the English return hostages. In the existing article it states "they delivered a letter which demanded that the Colonial settlers leave or Rale and his Indians would kill them and burn their houses, together with their livestock."

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral? No
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position? Yes
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented? Yes
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another? Yes

Tone and balance evaluation
Again, I only used information from the existing article, but there is little mention of other possible motivations for Rale, namely from the French government. The draft focuses on Rale's relationship with the Abenaki. I think overall the tone is good, but I think there needs to be more evidence for the claims that Rale was compassionate towards the Abnaki, and more about his ties to the French.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? Maybe, but there needs to be more in-line citations
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? Yes, I believe so
 * Are the sources current? Yes
 * Check a few links. Do they work? No links

Sources and references evaluation
My suggestion regarding the sources is to add more in-line citations, especially where there are quotations or definitive statements.

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? Somewhat
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? Yes
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic? No

Organization evaluation
I realize that this is a draft for additions to an existing article, but the draft is very confusing regarding the organization. There are many grammatical corrections to be made. The sentence that contains the first quote is sort of confusing. "during Father Rale's war facing the settlers taking the side of the tribe." That part sounds like the settlers are taking the side of the tribe. And when referencing settlers or colonists, it would help to specify English colonists or what kind of colonists they are. Those are just a few examples, the draft needs a through proofread.

Images and Media
Guiding questions: If your peer added images or media


 * Does the article include images that enhance understanding of the topic?
 * Are images well-captioned?
 * Do all images adhere to Wikipedia's copyright regulations?
 * Are the images laid out in a visually appealing way?

Images and media evaluation
N/A

For New Articles Only
If the draft you're reviewing is a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.


 * Does the article meet Wikipedia's Notability requirements - i.e. Is the article supported by 2-3 reliable secondary sources independent of the subject?
 * How exhaustive is the list of sources? Does it accurately represent all available literature on the subject?
 * Does the article follow the patterns of other similar articles - i.e. contain any necessary infoboxes, section headings, and any other features contained within similar articles?
 * Does the article link to other articles so it is more discoverable?

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete?
 * What are the strengths of the content added?
 * How can the content added be improved?

Overall evaluation
I would suggest focusing on adding information that isn't already covered in the existing article. It seems as though the draft was written in a manner that doesn't take into account the existing article. Consider on expanding certain parts such as the importance of Norridgewock to the fur trade. There is plenty of good information in the draft, and I think it can help add to the existing article. I would also suggest to consider the outside factors of the French and the English colonies, and how that affected Rale and the Abenaki.