User:RandomCitizen27/Apparent death/Tdl120300 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

RandomCitizen27


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:RandomCitizen27/Apparent_death?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Apparent death

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

The minor changes to the lead makes the article make the article more coherent. Reference number 4 appears to have some issues with the date.

Tonic Mobility

The idea to add in the part about tonic immobility being preferred due to its neutral connotations compared to 'thanatosis' will also be important to add as readers should know this difference. However, the sources provided for this change are not entirely supporting this. Possibly try and find a scientific literature or another article that explicitly states that tonic immobility is preferred in literature and an article that states why it is preferred. This will help anyone who is checking the cited articles to find more information on this.

Adding a section about tonic immobility in invertebrates and vertebrates will also strengthen the article if done correctly. I would recommend putting these two sections right after the tonic mobility section and before the sections that list what tonic mobility is like in different species. This could be a great 'introduction' to those upcoming sections. These two subsections will require scientific articles, as you have mentioned photos will also help make the article more coherent and interesting.

Tonic immobility in ducks

Adding information to this section greatly improvs this article. The information is informative and neutral. Overall a great improvement to this section.

Tonic immobility in chickens

Adding the information before the link does help a bit. It could be improved even more if there was a bit more information on how animal hypnosis and chicken hypnotism works and what it does. This way the reader does not need to go through another link to find more information. A few more sentences on this topic will help make the article an easier read.

Overall Feedback

The changes you plan to make towards this article are great. They will majorly improve this article. Only a few recommendations which are; double checking the sources as some of them seem to have errors with their dates, making sure everything cited is supporting what is being said, and adding slightly more information about tonic immobility in chickens. Great work.