User:Rapacchi/Sandbox

Feast of St. Stephens
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

St. Stevens Day, or "The Feast of St Steven, is a Saint's day for followers of Steven, celebrated yearly on an unspecified day in November or December (usually defined by the last minute cross-referencing of the five calendars of the original founders). It commemorates the life and work of St. Steven, a psudo-religious quazi-existant god of merriment, lechery, and general debauchery. For this reason the Feast of St Steven is usually characterised by extreme levels of merriment, lechery and general debauchery, with particular emphasis on fine dining, womanising, and to some degree prostitution.

Activities
St Stevens Day usually begins with a well-dressed pilgrimage to an up-market eatery where a colossal volume of fine wine, food, port and cheese is consumed whilst highly intelligent yet chauvinistic banter is engaged in. It is a well documented fact although the banter will doubtless stay within fairly narrow conversational topics, the actual content of the banter itself will be utterly and wholly unpredictable. (Steve banter unpredictability should not be confused with randomness. Random processes would sometimes turn up the same topics of banter, but banter repetition has never been observed at any Steve event. It is for this reason that the "Stevegod" is referred to as "quazi-existant" - the unpredictibility of Steve banter is caused directly by the increasing entropy of the universe, such that, in accordance with the laws of indeterminacy, Stevegod exists in a superposition of states during Steve banter, both existing and not existing simultaneously).

Lunch will undoubtedly last beyond a point where it can sensibly continue to be referred to as "lunch", after which activities will move on to upmarket bars, clubs and other venues. It is here that some of the main activities of steviness are engaged in, particularly the polite intellectual abuse of women, with the ultimate goal of engaging in sexual relations with them.

Due to the aforementioned quazi-existant and unpredictable nature of Steve banter, this ultimate goal is rarely actually achieved, hence the engagement in (to some degree) strip clubs and prostitution.

Songs
The most famous St. Stevens day song is "Good King Stevenson":

Good king stevensson looked out,

Aft' the feast of stephen,

Where the whores lay round-about,

Buggered, sore and bleeding

Awesome were the steves that night,

As was food and banter,

All the women swooned around,

Howie the Enchanter

Smudger mad as box of frogs,

Chewing on his money,

Mizen hands behind his back,

Being politely funny

Rivellinis chimpanzee sex drive,

Drops ten grand on strippers,

Whilst Rapacchi does nowt' at all,

but manages to pull

Banter, food, wine, cigars,

And a bit of whoring,

All in greatest worship of,

Steve, o king of scoring,

Help us on this day to be,

obnoxious loud and drunken,

And to ensure by end of night,

Our todgers are not shrunken.