User:Razorcatchprey

Jason "Little Fat Buddy" Wilson
Jason Wilson, also known as "Little Fat Buddy" is a respiratory therapist, former high school football player, and medal-winning power lifter from Gainesville, Georgia. Following a football career-ending knee injury in high school, Wilson, or LFB, turned to the fledgling sport of powerlifting. In his own words, LFB was in those days, "Buff, and the Stuff."



Early Life
Jason Wilson was born and raised in Gainesville, Georgia, which lies on Lake Lanier in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. In high school, Wilson, who was yet to be dubbed "Little Fat Buddy," set out to conquer the gridiron. As a linebacker for North Hall High School, he gave rise to the term "linebacker's hands." Gathering accolades like he would later gain pounds, Wilson found himself recruited by major NCAA Division I programs including the Universities of Florida and Georgia. In a game during his senior year, Wilson forced a fumble by the opposing team's halfback. Acting quickly, Wilson picked up the ball and moved as fast as he could towards the endzone- where he had never scored a touchdown in his entire career. Knowing that his fans would be disappointed without a show, he held the ball up to show the crowd once he got inside the opponent's ten yard line. Much like the fate that befell Leon Lett, Wilson lost control of the football inside the five yard line and fumbled his would-be touchdown. The ball was recovered by his teammate, who carried the it the final four yards for the score. Wilson finished his high school career without ever producing a point.

Though he was undeniably "buff and the stuff," Wilson was unable to pursue his football career following a tragic pottery class accident which left his knee unable to sustain the rigors of football, Wilson turned to a sport which didn't rely on any muscle below his waist.

Power Lifting
The year was 1994. Ted Turner several years before had created something called the Goodwill Games. Not quite on the scale of the Olympics, but still quite an accomplishment if you made it. Jason Wilson was chosen to represent his country in the category of Power Lifting in the '94 games held in St. Petersburg, Russia. Jason, a national champion (at this point, still buff and the stuff), was honored to be chosen on behalf of his country. Wilson represented America proudly, bringing home the Sliver Medal. He was the envy of all of North Georgia. Later, just before the '96 Olympics, there was a discussion as to what new event would be introduced for the Games held in Wilson's home state of Georgia. It came down to two events. Beach Volleyball or Power Lifting. After observing athletes in speedos(including Wilson) from both sports, the committee choose Beach Volleyball. From this moment on, life would never be the same for Jason Wilson.

The Dark Years
Following the Goodwill Games, Wilson returned home a champion. He married his high school sweetheart, and bought a house close to the lake. Shortly after the marriage, the couple decided they needed a pet. So they bought a Siberian Husky. Unhappy with just one, they decided to get their own sled team. Wilson and his wife bought 6 different Huskies. Perhaps it was the name of the breed that made Wilson feel at home. Through a series of tragic accidents, all but one of the dogs (Aspen) died an early death.

The marriage between the high school sweethearts was not going well either. Wilson's wife was slowly drifting away. The couple rarely talked, and lived their own separate lives. Until one night. Wilson was having dinner at Outback, and through the window spotted the new car he had bought for his wife parked at Chili's across the street. Wilson proceeded to march into Chili's, and saw his wife having dinner with another man. Jason (still buff and the stuff) grabbed the man's drink, and chugged it. He then picked the man up by the neck, and carried him outside and threw him on top of the new car he had bought his wife. Wilson's marriage was over. As was his patronage at the Gainesville Chili's. It was later discovered that his wife had a serious drug problem. From this moment on, Wilson's life took a downward turn.

The Black (Label) Years
Wilson spent the years following his divorce in the bottle. Jack Daniels became his new best friend. One faithful night, Wilson was having a party and the entire town was there. He had too much to drink, and decided it was time to cook in the middle of the night. Pork chops were on the menu. What Wilson didn't realize was that when he was flipping the chops, they were hitting the ceiling, leaving a stain that would later make it very difficult to sell his house. The entire year was nothing but stories like this. Once a young, medal winning buff and the stuff athlete, Wilson was slowing turning in to what would later be his nickname, "Little Fat Buddy". Through the financial difficulties of a divorce, Wilson was forced to move back home with his parents. He wouldn't move out until nearly a decade later.

Fate
Jason Wilson barely remembers the months after his divorce, thanks to the renowned therapist, Dr. Ethanol. However, one particular Fourth of July party would change his life forever. Wilson and his new friend, Matt Dubnik, had been drunk for hours, or weeks, depending on which one of them you ask. Dubnik convinced Wilson to escort him to a party thrown by a mutual friend, who happened to be the same man for whom Wilson had previously tried to cook the infamous pork chops. While at this party, Wilson decided to show off his waning powerlifting abilities by lifting Dubnik (weighing all of 85 pounds) onto his shoulders and throwing him off the diving board. Fortunately for Dubnik, there was water in the pool. However, Dubnik, for reasons undeterminable, spanked himself on the buttocks the entire time he was being carried by Wilson. Wilson was rewarded for this comedy with a friendship with Taylor Wallace and Zach Procter.

New Name
Allowing his health to fall by the wayside, Wilson slowly ceased to be "buff and the stuff." In his own words, he metamorphosed into a form that was more "Fluff and the Stuff." His employer in the respiratory therapy industry dubbed him his "little fat buddy." Unfortunately for Wilson, Wallace found out this nickname while accompanying him on a work outing, and the name has stuck ever since.

Indian Heritage
During a trip to Minnesota, Wilson's new friends discovered that Wilson is actually a member of a minority group. After playing his first game of flip cup, Wilson became very intoxicated. While waiting for other other acquaintances at a bar, Wilson was challenged by the designated driver, Wallace. Wallace informed his Little Fat Buddy that he did not have a hair on his nether regions if he did not chug his entire beer. Though already about a case of beer into the evening already, Wilson, wide eyed, chugged his entire beer, then slammed down his empty mug. After doing so, Wilson turned to Wallace and proclaimed "I'm 1/28th Cherokee Indian. I don't have any hair on my [genitals.]"

Self Discipline
Shortly after learning of his Indian Heritage, Wallace was still trying to get Wilson and the rest of the group back to the hotel. After dropping off two of the people on the trip, Wallace was returning to the hotel with Wilson (LFB) in the passenger seat. In an unfamiliar land, Wallace was unsure of where the hotel was. He asked Wilson to remain quite until he was sure of which direction they were going. Wilson replied, "OK, I won't say anything else. Oops!  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to say anything.  Please don't hit me." Then Wilson began talking to himself, "Jason, you stupid son of a bitch. He said not to say anything else.  Please forgive me Prince (the name Wilson gave to Wallace.  Wallace's father was the so called King of North Georgia).  You shouldn't be driving me around.  You are the Prince.  I should be driving you around.  Let's call the King." Wallace was able to talk LFB out of calling the King. The night ended as many other nights have for our Little Fat Buddy, he passed out alone on a bed, with nothing but his man boobs to keep him company.

Knighthood
As previously mentioned, LFB created a relationship with the King of North Georgia. After many years of loyalty to the King, LFB was granted Knighthood. In a touching ceremony with all of the locals in attendance, Jason Wilson, once a Silver Medal wining Power Lifter, forever became known as, Sir Little Fat Buddy. He protected the Kingdom of North Georgia from many attacks from foriegn lands. Until one day, when Sir LFB wanted to go duck hunting on the King's property. The King declined, and Sir LFB was devastated. Trust was broken. Sir LFB took allegiance with the King of South Georgia. A plot was devised to assassinate the King of North Georgia, and Sir LFB was to be the one to pull the trigger. Luckily for the Kingdom of North Georgia, Sir LFB and the King came to their senses, and trust was restored. No blood was shed, and the King and all of his peasants lived in peace.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Like thousands of other Americans who cost their country 10 billion dollars in direct medical costs, Sir LFB suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or IBS. This beast has reared its ugly head everywhere from the Clarke County Home Depot to the woods off the side of I-75. In 2007, Sir LFB ventured to Central Florida along with Wallace and Procter. On their way back, the group stopped at a Cracker Barrel restaurant. Wallace took the picture seen here once LFB was served his meal taking up six separate plates. Thanks to his IBS, however, the meal was more of a rental than an investment.

Just three hours down the road, while well south of Atlanta on Interstate 75, Wilson begged Wallace to pull over and find a restroom. Terror in his eyes, he directed his friend to "get off at the next exit." The nearest gas station appeared to be the one chronicled by Cletus T. Judd in his song "Refried Beans.""Refried Beans".

After watching their Little Fat Buddy clinch-waddle his way into the horridly unsanitary bathroom, Wallace and their fellow traveler waited fifteen minutes for his triumphant return. Emerging from the septic horror, Sir LFB did the "walk of shame" back to the car, as no one could be mistaken about his activities within. All involved had a good laugh, and they got back on the interstate.

Wallace moved into the passing lane, but it would only be 20 seconds before his Little Fat Buddy once again directed him to "get over." Wallace informed him that the next exit was only a mile away. Wilson, however, didn't feel that he could hold off that long, and instructed the driver to get over "NOW." Thus, Wallace pulled the Wilson's SUV over to the side of the interstate, by the woods.

In the back passenger seat of the SUV was Lindsey; a young lady about whom Sir LFB had harbored many a fantasy. It thus came at great personal humility that Wilson turned and asked her to "please look in the back of the Suburban and find the toilet paper, quickly!" Once she did, he proceeded into the woods, where he spent the next several moments. Upon returning to the truck, following yet another "walk of shame," Sir LFB's only words were "there were briars." Lindsey was later dropped off at her house; Wallace and Sir LFB had a good laugh about what had happened. Sir LFB said, "It's best she find out now about her Little Fat Buddy".

Later Years
Sir Little Fat Buddy currently resides in Cartersville, Ga. After nearly a decade of living at home, Sir LFB branched out to live on his own. Not entirely alone though. At the beginning of 2008, Sir LFB hooked up with a lady of E-Harmony. She moved from Athens to join Sir LFB on his new quest. They currently seem quite happy, and occasionally go see the Rome Braves play single A baseball games. Perhaps one day there will be Little Fat Children to carry on their fathers legacy.