User:Rcepolski/Bioaccumulation/Acarmichael417 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Rcepolski


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Bioaccumulation
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Bioaccumulation

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead

 * This new draft does not include an updated lead section, but the lead section in the current Wikipedia article is large. It looks like it is about three paragraphs, so if you wanted to maybe break that lead section up and move some of those major points to other body paragraphs, I think that would be helpful to keep the lead section narrow.
 * One thing I think that could be added to the lead section is a brief overview of what topics will be talked about in your article. This might be something you do once your article is finalized and you know what the bulk of the article will be, but I think it would be helpful to give some direction to your article.

Content

 * The added content to the draft is very relevant and brings up direct examples of bioaccumulation in the world. I think this section can be added to the "Terrestrial Examples" section on the current wikipedia article and would flow nicely.
 * One thing I think could be changed about the content section is to change the "developmental effects on turtles section" to be lowercase.
 * There are about 4 references in this section, but I think you could add a few more references in this section. Additionally, I think there are a few sentences in a row that do not have citations. I think adding citations to these sections even if they are the same citation/ source after each section would be helpful in maintaining that all of your information is taken from other sources and not your own thoughts.

Tone and Balance


 * The content is very neutral and unbiased. I don't have many comments about tone and balance since I think you did a good job presenting this information in a neutral way.

Sources and References

 * The sources used are up-to-date and relevant for the topic. One thing I mentioned earlier was potentially adding more references throughout your body paragraphs (at the end of each sentence or two). This would help your reader see where you got this information from and direct them to places to go after reading your article.
 * I was wondering why you have a bibliography section as well as a references section. I think you only need a reference section and can get rid of the bibliography (I think).
 * The sources look great and cover the information you talked about in the article draft. I think they are from a wide range of people and are all research papers as opposed to news articles, which is great.
 * One additional source I found is https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5044975/
 * while it doesn't mention turtles specifically, it is about bioaccumulation in aquatic systems published in 2015. This would be a helpful article to introduce how bioaccumulation is being analyzed in aquatic systems in order to regulate and protect the environment.

Organization

 * The content is well-written and concise.
 * One edit I have is in the Development of Turtles section. I copied it here:
 * "The heavy metals that were observed were transferred by the mother or absorbed by the environment. For example, The presence of toxic levels"
 * One comment is to make the first sentence in present tense if you are talking about general turtle accumulation of toxins, or to make it known that you are referencing a specific study or article. Right now it feels like you are talking about a specific study or paper, but does not have any information about what that study is.
 * Additionally, the bolded "The" in the above paragraph should be lowercase.
 * Overall, the organization and flow of these sections is great.

Images and Media

 * I am not sure how difficult it is to find pictures that you are able to use due to common-use licensing policies, but I think adding pictures of turtles, nutrient/toxin cycling, or diagrams of what these processes look like may help your reader and be visually appealing.

Overall feedback

 * Overall, I think this is a great start to your drafted article and will be a great addition to the overall Bioaccumulation article. I think finding the specific example of bioaccumulation in turtles is definitely an issue in conservation biology and will be helpful for readers to connect with real-world examples about where this is happening.