User:RebLAHIS/Feminist Performance Art/Lins8719 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(RebLAHIS)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * n/a


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Feminist performance art

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead


 * I don't understand if there is a Lead because it's usually located above the table of contents on Wikipedia articles.
 * If you were add one or develop the initial first line further ("Female's body, who performs or appears on stage"), mentioning some aspects of the article or important sections can help give an idea for readers about what it is about

Content


 * Maybe you can add more examples to the section about "Female artists using their body"
 * Perhaps you can find articles or information about more recent events/performances
 * The examples you provided go well with the selected topic

Tone and Balance


 * The additions/changes/edits you made erase that essay-like opinionated viewpoint of what the article was like before
 * However, in the "Male-gaze in performance triggered violence" section, avoid the use of "we" because it suggests a first person point of view which means personal opinions

Sources and References


 * It looks like you used sources from a variety of years. Some problems, despite being from years ago, are still relevant today so it's still appropriate.

Organization


 * It would be beneficial to ask for someone to proofread your edits since there are some grammatical errors in the sentence structure and punctuation.
 * Watch out for comma splices and unnecessary words
 * The consistency of the sentence lengths differ. The information feels concise but each line feels like it creates a build up which makes it feel like the reader is reading for too long.
 * It's good that there is separation between sections followed by sub-sections that help keep the article looking organized

Images and Media


 * Maybe adding an image of Yoko Ono's performance.

Overall nice work and changes from the previous version of the article. You've removed all the previous essay-like texts and added your own and also editing existing but relevant sections. I would watch out for grammar errors and point of view.