User:Redpanda2301/Deaf Life for Indigenous Populations in Canada/Ren.Wall Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Redpanda2301 (provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Deaf life for Indigenous peoples in Canada


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Lead Section
Very concise and well-written. The information included is just what is necessary for the topic you are discussing, and I like the discussion of intersectionality with Indigenous and Deaf cultures. If possible, I would expand your first sentence to include the population of Deaf/HH Indigenous people in Canada. good job of keeping the language neutral in the last sentence with the reference to the Saskatchewan Human Rights Association.

Language Emergence Section
You have a great list of languages here. Since you don't have extensive details on each language, it is fine to keep them all in the same paragraph, it just sounds a bit crowded/confusing right now. In terms of formatting, I would suggest starting a new paragraph at your third sentence: "PSL, which originated from..." I also suggest writing the details of each sign language in the same order you initially listed them (Plateau -> Inuit -> Oneida -> PSL).

The regional context and origins of each language is very clear. I think you can also label/identify which are shared/home signs and which are deaf community signs. You allude to it already with your explanations already which is great so keep those details. The labels will just give it a boost.

BC Hummingbird Section
Good, basic information on this organization. I like your note at the end - good neutral language that acknowledges the lack of available research. If possible, I would include a bit more detail: their mission statement, some of the tribes that are represented (perhaps some of those mentioned in the previous section), how they build a sense of community (fundraising, events, informing, etc), or if they are a no-profit.

Human/Civil Rights Section
Really good section! Lots of quantified data and reference to the organizations involved with protecting Deaf/HH Indigenous people's rights. Concise format that lists general concerns and the specific efforts made to address or collect them. If you wanted to add a bit more punch I think you could include an example or two of specific concerns in any of the fields you mentioned. Or you could hyperlink the 15 issues that came from the SHRC's interviews.

The ACA paragraph could use another citation - assuming the one at the end is the only one used is fine, but just to ensure that it all comes from a reliable source I'd use it more than once.

Early Hearing Detection and Prevention Section
Great section considering the lack of data provided specifically on indigenous populations. You do a great job of mentioning organizations that are responsible for providing this data or who have provided the existing access to hearing screenings. The mention of rural populations being a significant factor in lack of access was a strong point as well.

Other Notes
You have great points listed in the rest of your sections, they are just limited in the amount of content. I am assuming these are ones in progress and may be expanded on later. I also know that considering the general lack of data or external research provided on Indigenous populations is limited, and I am really impressed with the information you've been able to find. Overall good, clean, concise, neutral writing style. My only suggestions are to include more specific details where possible (as I suggested in each section above). All of your sources seem strong and reliable, and you have a great number of references. Be cautious about the infrequency of your in-text citations, however I know that is a debate we've had in class before (after every sentence or at the end of a paragraph). Just something to keep in mind!