User:Redwood432/Herb Lubalin/IAMNOTJESUSJR Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

User:Redwood432


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Redwood432/Herb_Lubalin?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Herb Lubalin

Evaluate the drafted changes
I think in the "there he lived," that the "there" seems redundant, you could change it to "He grew up with" if you want to keep the word count otherwise just remove the there. For the color blind section, I would recommend you state that Lubalin was born color blind but it wasn't till early in his education that they found out or something similar.