User:ReedP12/McKinley Park (Sacramento, California)/StaceySmithOSU Peer Review

Prof. Smith comments on first draft of the Wikipedia article
Hi Reed,

Here are my comments and questions regarding improvement of your first draft.

Lead

The lead is the part of the article that needs the most work. Remember that you want to give the most important who, what, where information in the first few sentences so that readers can determine immediately what your article is about. I would go with something along the lines of "McKinley Park is a historically significant city park located in Sacramento, California. The Sacramento Street Railway Company built the park in 1871 to attract passengers to its line and the park continues to [mention a few of the important community functions it serves now.]

Content

When you revise the lead as I have suggested above, you will want to rework the first couple of sentences of the article body.

Remember that your final article should have at least two headings in the body and those headings should be descriptive of the content. See the template and instructions for the project. For this topic, I would probably make the first heading "Early History" and then add a new subheading like "Modern Use" and put all the material on the near present under that.

Avoid using "today" in the article. It's better to say "As of 2021..." so that the article does not get outdated.

Can you add any material about when and how the park got placed on the National Register? Did you try to find the Register petition?

Style

This looked very good! I am, however, asking

References

As I mentioned above, I'd like you to see if you can find the petition for the National Register of Historic places. At the very least, I'd like to see you add some news articles about consideration for addition to the Nation Register: https://www.sacbee.com/news/local/environment/article215548855.html

Can you follow up on this article and state how and when the historic designation actually came?