User:ReedP12/McKinley Park (Sacramento, California)/Thomsaleme Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Reed Pettinato


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ReedP12/McKinley_Park_(Sacramento,_California)?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The content itself is solid but this needs a lot of fleshing out. Immediately of note is the fact that there are no headings at all, those need to be added. You could split the body paragraph into an early history and a present state sections in order to get two sections in. There is also notably non see also or external link sections, and those are required so they need to be added. Stuff about Sacramento, William McKinley, picnic trends, etc. could be good for the see also. The next biggest thing that stood out is that the lead is way too small. It is supposed to be curt but it needs to have more information than can be fit into one short sentence. Maybe describe just a little big of why it is a historically significant park and also definitely add the date it was made. Also is it on the National Register of Historic Places? Because if so that is a good thing to add into the lead. If it is I would also look for the registration form of it on the register because that would probably be a little bit more trustworthy of a reference. There was a good amount of references used but some did not look super trustworthy, especially number 4, that site looked a little suspect. Speaking of references, more should probably be inserted into the body. A lot of the claims made on there are unsupported in terms of the reader being able to know where they came from, definitely add some more of those. Lastly, I think there are a couple areas where more could be written, such as what happened with the 2012 fire: how much damage did it cost? were people hurt? what caused it? etc. Overall, really solid topic with a good core of facts but this needs to be fleshed out with more writing, more references, and more technical additions like headings and external links.