User:Remycrowley/Mary Guinan/MicrobiologyKat2020 Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * I'm reviewing Remycrowley's revision of the article on Mary Guinan
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Remycrowley/Mary Guinan

Lead
Guiding questions:

The information added to the lead gives more information on the accomplishments that led Mary Guinan to have a movie and book written about her. The Lead does include an introductory sentence that concisely explains who Mary Guinan is. However, I think there may be too much focus on the movie/fictional part about her. I am not sure I'd continue to include who played her in the movie. The lead also does not contain a brief description of the article's major sections. Rather, it includes a contents box that shows the major sections.

Lead evaluation
Room for minor improvement

Content
Guiding questions:

The content added is relevant to the topic. The author has worked to rewrite the article so that it reads less like a resume. The addition of new paragraphs such as the one under the Education and training section help with this. However, I'm not sure I understand the point of adding the quote under the sexually transmitted infectious disease section. Did she specifically help Ireland in some way? It's just a little odd. I'd possibly reduce the number of quotes and try to rewrite the main ideas of the quotes to make the article more concise.

Tone and Balance

 * Not all the content sounds very neutral. I would look into revising the section under education and training. It sounds slightly less neutral and the wording can get a little repetitive.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * The sources look to be from good places. However, there's a couple of sources that say they need "clarification." I'd possibly look into that. The sources look more up-to-date, with one from 2020 and a couple from less than 4 years ago. The links also appear to work.

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * I'd recommend reworking some sentences. In particular, I'd recommend reworking the last sentence in the smallpox eradication program section. I'm unsure why "this is ring vaccination" was added to the end of this sentence. It is abrupt and doesn't connect well structurally. I'd probably make that a separate sentence or change up where that information goes in this sentence. In the introduction, the two sentences added both start with "she," it may be a good idea to change the sentence beginning of one of the sentences. Overall, I think the organization is good and I just have minor issues with the sentence structure for some sentences.

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * The content added has improved the article, however, some rewriting may be required. I'd recommend reducing the use of quotes in this article and to work on the grammar of some of your sentences.

Overall evaluation
Pretty good! Generally an improvement.