User:Rene Laurel Rose/Cosima von Bonin/AppleofStrife Peer Review

General info
Rene Laurel Rose
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Rene Laurel Rose/Cosima von Bonin
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Cosima von Bonin

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * I like that you included different art critics' views on her art and how they described it, as well as included some quotes from interviews.
 * I also like that you included the materials and the different mediums that the artist has worked.
 * All links work as far as I can tell (though some sites require an account, just a heads up).
 * Spelling looks good, as far as I can see.
 * I think the sentence, "Those are not the only people von Bonin has collaborated with, just a few" needs to be reworded. Either combine it with the previous sentence (Ex: "von Bonin worked with [artist name], [artist name], [artist name], and many more") or elaborate more on how the artist collaborated with many other artists that have yet to be identified.
 * For the sentence, "[...] the author states that von Bonin uses humor to seem elusive," could you specify what author has said that quote? Don't be afraid to name drop.
 * I know that this is a rough draft, but make sure you don't include first person in the final draft. Keep it neutral and less like a personal essay.
 * Overall, I think you are off to a great start. My only criticism is that some sentences need to be reworded and written less as a personal response and have more of a neutral stance. Again, I know this is just a rough draft, but just some things to keep in mind.

Evaluating drafted changes for Peer Review #2

 * First of all, massive improvements from the first draft. I think your sentence structures are much better and convey topic much better.
 * I also like that you included details on the artist's exhibitions. However, will you be doing it to all of the exhibitions or just a few? I feel that if you only give trivia to a few of the shows, it will be unbalanced.
 * I do agree with the teach that the [...] she lives and works with her husband, Michael Krebber and friends sentence sounds a bit off and that you could just remove "friends." If possible, maybe list out who the artist was friends with on a different sentence and how they contributed to her work.
 * So far, I think you have made a lot of improvements and I don't have that much to say other than to reword a few sentences. Overall, everything is looking great.