User:Rishib23/User:Angelica.gnlz/Health equity/Rishib23 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Angelica


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Angelica.gnlz/Health equity


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Angelica.gnlz/Health_equity&oldid=1084678081

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

- While the lead has not been updated to reflect the new changes, that's because the lead is fairly broad and the proposed changes add a specific bullet point to the proposed solutions section. As a result, I don't think many changes need to be added to the lead for these proposed revisions.

Content:

- I think the main things that can be improved in the content is adding a little more specificity. For example, the description of urban medicine can be improved a little bit to support the argument for medical pluralism. The main flaw highlighted of urban medicine just seems to be that it embraces technological solutions, but more examples of how it is insufficient to serve rural populations would better support the claim that medical pluralism is necessary. Also, my impression of urban medicine is that it seems to be the predominant form of health care, at least in the United States, so I think delineating what urban medicine does and doesn't do as opposed to alternative medicine would be helpful. This would also tie into a description of what needs non-urban communities have that urban medicine doesn't deal with well.

Tone and Balance:

- I think that the paragraph may be a bit too argumentative, and phrases like "a compromise between the two is seemingly ideal for the needs of all populations" seems more opinionated than factual. I think some of the more argumentative sentences can be replaced by more specificity as to what urban and alternative medicine is.

Sources and References:

- I think the sources need to be cited in Wikipedia's format instead of in-text citations, and also need to be manually created so that they show up in the references section. I think the last sentence (about implementations of medical pluralism within Latin American countries like Ecuador) should also be backed up by a citation, as well as some specific examples about the strategies being pursued there.

Overall Impressions:

- I think the contribution to this article is very valuable, and definitely contributes to an understanding of healthy equity as requiring diverse methods as well as a focus on diverse populations. I think the ways that the contribution could be improved is by adding in specificity as to what urban/alternative medicine is, and I think that this could replace some of the more argumentative portions of the contribution as well.