User:Rkitam/Miye Matsukata/Elizrm Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Rkitam


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Rkitam/Miye Matsukata


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Miye Matsukata

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, you've added a lot of useful and relevant information. The condition of the writing is good, but there are a few small copy writing issues. For example, in the Early Life section, when I read "Her father was Shokuma Matsukata..." I was confused because the previous sentence was talking about Miye's mother's father. Clarifying her name would help. The additions to the Early life section are very helpful; they give a good synopsis of the importance and success of her entire family, allowing you to understand her background.

I can already see you've added more citations than there were previously, and I would continue doing so as there are a couple sentence without citations. I could also see "After life" being renamed to "Death and legacy."

Since you've added new information, you can use it to inform the Lead to ensure it's representative of the article. Currently in the Lead, she's referred to as being on the first board of directors for the Society of North American Goldsmiths (delete this link since there is no page?) but in the Career section, it gives the years she served on the board of directors but does not say "first" anywhere. I would add a citation to this section in the Career paragraph to clarify this inconsistency and ensure the Lead reflects what's in the article body.

Also, the Falino Jeannine source did not direct me to the right page :(