User:Rmalexandre/Fear of flying/Aramirez182 Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Zeinasbai
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Zeinasbai/sandbox

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * My peer has not updated the Lead/intro paragraph. Instead, they have updated a different section regarding the management of "Fear of flying".

Lead evaluation:
N/A

Content
Guiding questions:


 * The content added to the article is very relevant to the article as it provides a modern approach to coping with fear of flying. Since fear of flying is considered a pathological disorder, it is imperative to detail a method of treatment in any article pertaining to mental health. The content added by my peer does not off-balance of the information of the Wikipedia article.
 * The article does not deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps and nor does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics.

Content evaluation
Great

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * The content added does not attempt to sway the reader toward any particular opinion or sentiment. The added content is not persuasive in any way, though it does only list one method of management of "fear of flying".

Tone and balance evaluation
Great

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Although the articles are published by third-parties and are reliable, they are not secondary sources of information and are instead primary sources. Per wikipedia's guidelines on poor sources of for Wikipedia regarding medicine and psychology "Primary sources are those where authors directly participated in the research, or documented their personal experiences. If an author has examined the patients, injected the rats, filled the test tubes, or supervised those who did, avoid using that source on Wikipedia." The sources used by my peer are not from secondary sources nor are they systematic reviews or literature reviews.
 * The sources are thorough and somewhat current, since two are from 18 and 20 years ago while one is from only 4 years ago.
 * The sources are written with a somewhat diverse listing of authors. I say somewhat because although no author is repeated more than once, two articles are from the same
 * The links all work and lead to abstracts for each source.

Sources and references evaluation
My peer needs to find secondary sources of information since primary sources are not valid in a wikipedia article regarding psychology or medicine.

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * The added content is lacking organizationally. My peer has added content written in a concise manner, but the order in which they present it in can be redone in order to improve the clarity as well as to make the new content easier to read. The primary issue with the content is in the way that my peer introduced the VRET, but then afterward discusses what kind of treatment is effective. After that, my peer lists a conclusion on the effectiveness of VRET. I believe that the content added would flow better if the structure was reorganized as such: Effective treatment for phobias such as fear of flying would be one that activates and modifies the fear structure. Activation of the fear structure can be achieved by exposing the patient to the feared stimuli, flying in this case, to elicit the fearful response. Modification of the fear structure would be achieved by the processes of habituation and extinction after eliciting the fearful response several times. A new and advanced treatment for aviophobia is virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET). This type of treatment uses computer technology where the patient virtually experiences flying. This experience includes visual, auditory, and motion stimuli to imitate flying in a plane as close as possible. Thus, VRET is considered an effective treatment for aviophobia.
 * Additionally, there is a grammatical mistake in "Another advantage of VRET over vivo exposure treatment is that it can focus on the main reason that elicits fear of flying easily." My peer should correct the sentence to be "Another advantage of VRET over vivo exposure treatment is that it is able to focus on particular components of flying that elicit fear more effectively," or even just "Another advantage of VRET over vivo exposure treatment is that it focuses on the main reason that elicits fear of flying easily."

Organization evaluation
Needs a second look.

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * I truly believe that the content added has improved the overall quality of the article since it now includes imperative and relevant information on treatment for an anxiety disorder. The strengths of the content added is that they article now has a much needed section detailing treatment, which was missing entirely.
 * The content can be improved by restructuring the way that the content is presented, fixing some minor grammatical mistakes, and by adding sources that are secondary sources of information.

Overall evaluation
Great additions made to an article with some improvements needed.