User:RobieHillier/Highlife/Hugh Beresford1997 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Robie)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Highlife


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Highlife

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hey, Robie, I think I reviewed the correct article. Highlife I did this one. I see there is another one but that you added all the information into this one already. Id that correct? The otehr draft artiiel is https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:RobieHillier/Highlife&oldid=1053107109 which I think was just to use to transfer the infromation to the other articel. If this is wrong let me know.

Lead
The lead was good as it provided a good overview of what the article presents. I liked the brief history and good description that the lead supplied. I have no real comments to add anything here except for maybe a photo that would catch the readers eye right away giving the geographical location of Ghana. Or maybe a photo of the band so the reader can get behind the article a little more.

Content.
I liked how this article dealt with an underrepresented group and make some greater historical connections with the history of Africa colonialism. From the article you can learn more about the political climate. This is from your ability to use significance from sound and setting. Nice stuff!

I really liked you descriptions of coastal highlife and Palm Wine music and the changes it underwent as it progressed further inland. Super cool! A question though, was this due to the cultures inland being more untouched by colonialism? Possibly something to explore here. Maybe an idea of purism in music or was it the opposite in that new styles were sought after? I only mention this last one as the song you presented was sung in English so maybe it was from extreme culture loss, possibly some brainwashing or something or maybe it was welcomed.

Really cool parallel to the Jazz music of New Orleans. I find these types of parallels offer some familiarity to the context. I was able to see the dynamics and understand the change in the music more due to the knowledge I have of Jazz music in the west. Although I understand it was not the exact same it gave me confidence in understanding as to what I was reading about.

Also, why were productions of the records stopped before world war two?

The tone and balance
The tone and balance of this article was somewhat difficult to tell as there were minimal sources and citations. I assume that the information is all true but it wouldn't hurt to have a second article providing some balance.

It wouldn't hurt to reach out to the library and get them to send an article or two on Ghana over and have a look if the information cross references or even if there was something about the political climate. regardless though, the course you have is golden for this topic. nice find there!!!

Organization
The organization is good but I would suggest breaking the History section up into subheadings so that it is easier to read and less intimidating. Keep the paragraph structure just add a subheading like Shift to Jazz in the 1920s or just the 1920s. Even if you did not write these sections I think the article could improve hear. I really like the sections you added though. They definitely enhanced the article. maybe add a photo of a palm Wine restaurant just for fun!

Photos and Media
There could be more photos but the two present are pretty good. I always like to through a photo of the countries or geographical region as mentioned above. I think it adds to the overall context of the reader maybe even a photo of some landscape to see what the coastal towns or inner-country of Ghana looks like.

Robie, I really liked this article. It gives such a good overview of Highlife.

Honestly though, I love this topic, I love the information you submitted and II am stoked you chose this for the class. I was genuinely torn between this and the Syrian music so I am glad to read about it. Hope these help.