User:RoxanneLIS/Social determinants of health/Kovicoffee Peer Review

General info
RoxanneLIS
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:RoxanneLIS/Social determinants of health
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Social determinants of health

Evaluate the drafted changes
I like how the draft is focusing on making improvements to the lead. The Wikipedia article on the social determinants of health (sdoh) is already very packed with information, but the lead does not currently encapsulate major parts of the page. I do appreciate that the recommended additions make references to later sections in the article that were not previously acknowledged in the lead. The first sentence in the draft has a grammar mistake (there is a period in the middle of the sentence, maybe this was supposed to be a comma). I think that the content of the sentences is good, now the flow needs to be adjusted among the recommended lead sentences.

It looks like you also noticed that there are some missing citations and incorrect citations present within the page currently. It's great that you caught the one quote that is actually not present within the attached citation. Maybe you can look up the quote and see if you can pull it from elsewhere, rather than deleting it, if you think that it meaningful for the section.

As I mentioned earlier, the live content is currently pretty satisfactory and unbiased. The "interventions" sub-section under the "Improving health conditions in the world" section could benefit from additional secondary sources being referenced for the interventions. I would recommend adding a reference to a secondary source (possibly a Cochrane review) regarding the Education or Urban Development interventions.