User:Runnernerd

"THE WAL-MART EFFECT"

Discovered in 2008 by Natalie Barber, it is the inexplicable halting of an individual coupled with prolonged staring at void areas of space, usually well above eye level. The term derives it's origins from the observation that this effect permeates most Wal-marts in America. The curiosity afflicts seemingly normal individuals upon entering the parking lot of these areas.

Observers note the change in subjects upon exiting vehicles and making the walk towards the entrance doors. They report a "shuffle-like" motion and fixed stare accompanied by the inability to walk in straight lines. There is a pronounced arc to the path customers take that directly and unapologetically conflicts with the normal path of traffic.

Upon entering the site, there seems to be a dramatic over-stimulation of cognitive functions. It is believed that this excessive stimuli causes the brain to retreat into a type of reprieve or safe haven in the recesses of the subconcious. The result is an abrupt halt while the said individual attempts to re-collect coordinative functions and continue movement. The startling aspect of this 'wal-mart effect' is the multiple occasions one individual can have this occur during one shopping excursion. It is unknown whether this has long term adverse effects on the brain or not, but there does seem to be a direct correlation to the frequency and duration of one episode and the general cognitive function of that individuals children. Observers note that this effect does seem to be spreading to areas outside of Wal-mart's, suggesting possible long term damage as well as an ability to spread.

Suggestions for dealing with Wal-mart effected individuals:

-Give plenty of room in parking lots. Their path is unpredictable and they show no concern for being struck, and you will be at fault.

-Never walk closer than 5 feet behind individuals in the store. They will not slow down before coming to a complete stop. It will be abrupt, and if hit you will be at fault.

-Do not take quick turns into aisles that seem empty on approach, someone may be stopped and having a prolonged staring episode. You may run into them, and you will be at fault.

-Do not enter aisles or open areas where there are children of these individuals. You will know them by their border-line sonic shrieking, knocking over of items, harassment of other customers and the blatant lack of interest from the parent. Upon becoming one of their victims, the parent will not intervene and they are not at fault. They are also commonly afflicted with the delusion that they are endearing and playful. Do not attempt to correct this, it will cause a violent break from their 'staring episode' which is often akin to waking someone from sleeping walking. The reaction will be unpredictable at best.

--Runnernerd (talk) 07:05, 21 May 2009 (UTC)Natalie Barber 10:00am 5/21/2009