User:Rupemeister

Born on Valentines Day, 1988, Rupemeister, (born Rupert Oliver Beck), was quite simply a legend from the day he was born. Often going under the pseudonym of 'Don Pacifico', simply because he is cool enough to do so, Rupert gained notoriety due to his infamous ability to be better than the person next to him. His parents are also well known in their own right. His father, Bruce Beck is a world renowned scientist who invented breathing among other discoveries. His mother, adding to the family's illustrious history writes for TIME magazine and was the journalist who uncovered the unforgettable revelation that Hitler in fact liked kittens. His sister is currently fulfilling the post of Junior Vice President of the Universe. In his spare time, Rupert enjoys nothing more than laughing at strangers and writing songs for Radiohead, Sonic Youth, My Chemical Romance and the Pet Shop Boys. He cites Graham Prescott as his major influence, noting the monotony of his Candadian accent, lack of good music taste and general boring demeanour as being the spur to kick him into proving the world was not just filled with afro adorned idiots from south-west London. But Graham Prescott aside (for really he isnt that bad), Rupert famously dated Paris Hilton during a period when her IQ was analysed to have doubeled from 45-90. Among other relationships, 'the Don' also married and divorced the Care Bear with the green spot 78 times. As people were so interested in the boring minutiae of his personal life, during the height of his fame, Rupert decided to kill 1000 doves by mass strangulation in a vain bid to prove he was not a man obsessed by publicity stunts; this produced the front page headline of the Sun to read "Pacifico kills peace and babies and is gay with a fetish for urine stained lamposts!!!". His disinterest for the plight of a suicidal EMO the following year unsurpringly produced no such headlines, as everyone knows that EMOs are not big enough to actually commit suicide. All in all, he has lived an unfulfilled life, for his true dream was to meet Kinga from Big Brother, but then realised she was simply a figment of our imagination.