User:RyanVpacific/The Life of Immigrants in California/Siranov Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Ryan and Declan


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:RyanVpacific/The_Life_of_Immigrants_in_California?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * The Life of Immigrants in California

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:


 * Creates a great thesis for the rest of the article
 * The length is well balanced.

Content


 * The content is organized very well, sentences are logically and chronologically linked.
 * Lifes of immigrants are presented from a variety of perspectives.

Tone and Balance:


 * Ryan and Declan show empathy to the struggles experienced by immigrants, and even if facts were presented correctly, there is a slight bias towards immigrants.
 * The tone in sentences as "However, life did not go as planned as the immigrants thought it would when moving to California." or "Immigrant workers put forth so much effort for so little due to the discrimination that they faced" could be improved towards a more formal tone.
 * Some sentence as "While this huge boom in agricultural businesses was great for California, the system was not perfect" could be interpreted as vague, so I'm suggesting to specify in a few words what exactly was not perfect.

Sources and References:


 * Presented a wide variety of sources (+)
 * Created a new reference for each citation, sometimes making a new reference for something that was already used (See sources 2-4) (suggesting to combine it)
 * References with red comments need to be edited (for example 5-11)

Organization:


 * Information is well organized and separated into sub-sections

Images and Media:


 * Ryan and Declan decided to not use pictures in the article

New article requirements:


 * This article concentrates the living conditions of immigrants in California in a very specific way. While general information like major time ranges and diseases was mentioned in other articles, this article goes into a lot more deail, so I think it's worthy of a page.

Overall impressions:


 * Great job!
 * A lot of information.