User:Saidur.gub/sandbox/Extramarital Affairs: Types, Facts and What Works

Table of Contents: Introduction Extramarital affairs Types of Extramarital affairs Why people have extramarital affairs? Women’s relationships today follow a very predictable pattern What people get from extra-marital affairs? Sings of spouse is having an extra-marital affair The benefits of Extramarital affairs Disadvantages of Extramarital Affairs References

Introduction Extramarital affairs are relationships outside of marriage where an illicit romantic or sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment occurs. The adjective extramarital is almost always used to describe a romantic relationship or encounter that happens between a married person and someone who is not the person's spouse. If a married man sneaks off to meet his secret girlfriend, you can say that the man is having an extramarital affair. In this case, the Latin prefix extra means "outside," and marital comes from the Latin martials, "of marriage or married people." There are some ways that you and I are very much the same. Like you, I am stoic and private, and I hesitate to share my personal issues with anybody else – family or friends. Tell us more about emotional affairs. If there's no sex, just the emotional attachment, is it as serious as a sexual affair? An emotional affair without sex occurs when two parties share their feelings for each other. These affairs are supercharged with emotion. The sound of her voice, the style of his email—they are all loaded. But if you confront them, they'll insist they've done nothing wrong. These secret emotional affairs are powerful influences in the individuals' lives. They often live in a fantasy world, where they imagine what the other party is doing, even while appearing to watch sports on TV or doing some other task. These individuals rob their marriages of emotional energy. They will save topics of conversation to talk over with the people they are having the emotional affair with, rather than their spouses. They also struggle with feelings of betrayal when they have sex with their spouse. But a lot of these emotional affairs remain non-sexual. They are the hardest affairs to recover from, because there is no guilt. You are who you are, but you can try to find someone who brings out the best in you, not the worst.

Extramarital relationship Extramarital affairs are relationships outside of marriage where an illicit romantic or sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment occurs. An extramarital affair that continues in one form or another for years, even as one of the partners to that affair passes through marriage, divorce and remarriage, could be considered the primary relationship and the marriages secondary to it. This may be serial polygamy or other forms of no monogamy. The ability to pursue serial and clandestine extramarital affairs while safeguarding other secrets and conflict of interest inherent in the practice, requires skill in deception and duplicitous negotiation. Even to hide one affair requires a degree of skill or malicious gas lighting. All these behaviors are more usually called lying. Deception can be defined as the "covert manipulation of perception to alter thoughts, feelings, or beliefs". The presence of deception may indicate the degree to which the deceiver has breached fundamental conditions of fidelity, of reciprocal vulnerability and of transparency. Sometimes these are explicit or assumed pre-conditions of a committed intimate relationship. Individuals having affairs with married men or women can be prosecuted for adultery in some jurisdictions and can be sued by the jilted spouses in others, or named as 'co-respondent' in divorce proceedings.

Types of Extramarital affairs: Four basic types of affairs: object affairs, sexual affairs, emotional affairs and full-blown secondary relationships.

In object affairs, the cheating partner neglects the relationship to focus on something else — work, a video game, an intense involvement in floral arrangement — to the detriment of his or her love life.

A sexual affair is exactly what it sounds like: the adulterer rents cheap hotel rooms for sex — but not emotional intimacy. A sexual affair is strictly about nookie, nothing more.

An emotional affair is when there's no smooching, but lots of sentiment. You're spending hours on IM with someone who's not your boyfriend, spilling your secrets to a woman who's not your wife, turning to someone else instead of your partner in times of need. Clearly not good for your primary relationship. An emotional affair without sex occurs when two parties share their feelings for each other. These affairs are supercharged with emotion. The sound of her voice, the style of his email—they are all loaded. But if you confront them, they'll insist they've done nothing wrong. These secret emotional affairs are powerful influences in the individuals' lives. They often live in a fantasy world, where they imagine what the other party is doing, even while appearing to watch sports on TV or doing some other task. These individuals rob their marriages of emotional energy. They will save topics of conversation to talk over with the people they are having the emotional affair with, rather than their spouses. They also struggle with feelings of betrayal when they have sex with their spouse. But a lot of these emotional affairs remain non-sexual. They are the hardest affairs to recover from, because there is no guilt.

The last type of affair is the traditional kind of cheating, where you have two parallel partnerships that are both sexual and emotional, and it's this kind of liaison that can actually help a marriage. First, an affair can add fizz to a flat partnership — what was once stale gets refreshed by a new energy. Second, if you're having an affair, you're probably doing it because you're missing something in your first relationship. If you analyze the affair, you might be able to see what it is that you lack, and address that problem. Finally, people tend to get into the same kind of relationship over and over again, but affairs are different — according to Formica, they can be "a more authentic barometer for what we actually need in our relationships." The "good" that might come out of an affair is clearly not the affair or its potential consequences. But, as I often say, everything is material for change. If we look at our choices and examine ourselves in an honest and forthright way, we just might find one of the keys to prompt our own evolution. That evolution might lead us back to a more authentic relationship with our primary relationship, or it might lead us to a more authentic understanding of ourselves that leads us away from that primary relationship. Either way, there is positive growth.

Why people have extramarital affairs: People all around are having extramarital affairs, regardless of their socioeconomic background or location. Some instances come as a shock because when things seem to be going well in the marriage. Something obviously went wrong somewhere. Here are some possible reasons as to why people indulge in an extramarital affair.

1. Early marriage People who marry in their early 20s would most likely have achieved some level of stability and social standing by their mid-30s. At that point, they feel that they did not really enjoy life in their 20s, and find it exciting to indulge in an extramarital affair. It is their way of experiencing the thrill and excitement of dating.

2. Married for the wrong reasons Many people enter into marriage for the wrong reasons. Pressures from family and society top the list in the country. After a point, many people agree to marriage without even getting to know their life partner. Once the deed is done, they realize the mistake they have made in terms of the choice of their life partner. If they meet someone who is in any way a better match than their current spouse, they are immediately attracted to him/her. And what starts as a simple friendship usually ends up in an affair.

3. Inability to deal with changes Life throws changes at us almost every day. Most of us are able to deal with the small changes. But the bigger ones are tougher to deal with — a serious illness in the family, death, loss of employment, financial loss, etc. Many turn to people, apart from their spouses to deal with such changes. They find more comfort in the arms of someone new, perhaps someone not connected to their tough circumstances in any way.

4. Becoming parents Becoming a parent changes everything about a husband-wife relationship. Priorities change, the time you can give each other reduces and your immediate living environment alters drastically. While most women give their 200% to being mothers, I know of several men who suddenly feel lost and unimportant at home, and indulge in extramarital affairs. And since most women are usually so busy being mothers, they probably don't even realize this for a long time

5. Physical dissatisfaction This is probably one of the most common reasons for people to get involved in an extramarital affair.

6. Emotional disconnect Sometimes a couple grows emotionally disconnected from each other, the top reasons being lack of time and lack of communication with each other. To be emotionally connected, you need to share, you need to talk, you need to express, you need to listen, you need to laugh, you need to care and show that you care. If you don't do this, over a period of time, chances are you will get emotionally disconnected from each other as a couple and start getting emotionally connected with someone else. What starts out as an emotional bond with someone can eventually lead to an extramarital affair.

7. Disagreements on core values Sometimes when you experience a tough situation in life, your core values are tested. And you have to make decisions which may not be palatable to your family — especially your spouse. Sometimes this could be the cause for irreconcilable differences, which triggers an extramarital affair.

8. Differing life priorities When a couple gets married, often they don't speak about life priorities — simply because it is not so important or people are not so clear. With time, the priorities start getting clearer and more pronounced, and increasingly divergent. Over time, these become so different that it becomes tough to live together and agree on even basic things on a daily basis. This can be a catalyst for an extramarital affair. Some people get into a relationship simply because they believe it can advance their career.

9. No common interests If you have nothing in common with each other, you'll eventually get absorbed in pursuing your own divergent interests. You will end up not spending enough time together. As you spend time away from each other, you get opportunities to interact with others. And gradually start building a bond with those who share your interests. Many times this leads to an extramarital affair.

10. Need for excitement Sometimes it is sheer boredom or a need to break the monotony and drudgery of everyday life that is the reason for an extramarital affair. Just for fun, for a change or for some excitement.

11. Personal finances Difficulties in personal finances (excess debts and liabilities), or lack of agreement on personal financial management can sometimes be the trigger for constant bickering within the four walls. And at such a vulnerable time, anyone who gives a hearing to your woes or some financial support is welcome. And this can lead to an extramarital affair.

12. Career advancement Sad but true. Some people get into a relationship simply because they believe it can advance their career. While these are the broad reasons, usually it is a combination of many of these which drives people into an extramarital affair. All said and done, it is tough to see a couple go through the stress of an extramarital affair. Relationships are broken, children are affected. There could be lifelong issues with guilt and trust. It's not an easy situation for anyone.

Women’s relationships today follow a very predictable pattern:

◾They push men for commitment

◾They get what they want

◾They become attracted to someone else

◾They start cheating

◾They begin telling their partners that they need time apart

◾They blame their partners for their behavior…and eventually, after a long time of vacillating back and forth, and several failed attempts to give up their affairs, they end their relationships or marriages.

What people get from extra-marital affairs Today it is considered trendy, liberal and “with the times”, if you have extramarital affairs. Flirting between married couples is rampant in the elitist society, and if you do not have a taste for it, you are considered square and primitive. How do people react to having such an experience? Some people find exactly what they are looking for, i.e. the re-assurance that they are not really getting old or that they still have sex appeal, escape from boredom, a release of pent-up tensions, a means of getting even with their spouse for something, a way of satisfying their curiosity, a change of pace from their ordinary sexual diet or a temporary form of escape. Others find the experience to be empty, guilt-provoking, awkward, frightening and psychologically de-stabilizing.

Man as a polygamous animal Those who indulge in extramarital affairs very often justify their actions by saying that man is a polygamous animal, and that it is natural for them to have multiple partners. They compare themselves to animals and say that they too, like animals, function with biological instincts, cleverly restricting the comparison to polygamous animals in the sexual arena only. Here, we would like to ask all those who want to live like animals [in accordance with the Law of the Jungle], why they are not living like them in other areas of life. Animals don’t have the security of banks, secured jobs, a secured meal, a secured partner tucked away at home to indulge if none other is available outside. They do not have ambitions of name, fame, prestige for themselves. They do not go after exotic varieties of foods, nor do they overeat. They do not live to eat like man; instead they follow their biology faithfully and merely eat to live. They do not stimulate themselves with pornographic literature or movies. So, in effect, we see that man does everything that animals don’t do in every other sphere of life. He follows the law of man in other areas, but wants to follow the law of the jungle in the sexual sphere only. Animals never over-indulge, they are true to their biological nature, but man does. Sexual Evolution But as therapists we can understand the statement “Human being is a polygamous animal” in a deeper context. It is the part of the sexual evolution of human beings. Yes, human species is a polygamous animal to begin with. However, he/she is born with a capacity to evolve as a higher being – from animal-man to man-man to ultimately a God-man. We are all born “Autosexuals” – it means “In love with ourselves”. If you observe carefully, every child is in love with himself. Every child is utterly self-centred. He is concerned only with his own body, his own needs and his own pleasures. But by the age of seven, very naturally, he transcends this stage and goes into the second stage of evolution. The second phase is “Homosexual”. Homosexual means “in love with someone just like you”. Boys make friends with boys and girls make friends with girls. If the child has lived his first “autosexual” stage properly, and has loved himself completely, very naturally he starts loving those who have similar bodies. When a man is really out of “autosexual” and “homosexual” phases, he is capable and mature to fall in love with a woman – to be in a true “heterosexual” stage – which is a totally different world, a different chemistry, a different psychology, a different spirituality. He is able to play with this different world, this different organism. They are poles apart, but when they come close, interpersonal growth occurs. To love a woman or to love a man, a new kind of being is needed, which can accept the polar opposite. It is clear that extramarital relationships occur only in the “Autosexual” stage of sexual evolution. This is, as seen above, an out and out “taking” state. If one evolves to a heterosexual stage of sexual evolution, he/she will be in a “giving” state. Here, the commitment is between two opposites for the purpose of spiritual growth. And thus extramarital affairs do not exist in such a relationship.

Signs of Spouse Is Having an Extramarital Affair 1. When your spouse is always busy for no reason Every extramarital affair demands time and if your partner is getting unexpectedly busy for no good reason, consider it as a prominent sign. Chances are that they would like to go out “alone” more than ever and won’t give any explanation to you at all. 2. They are spending more money – but not on you If you would see their bank statement, you might realize that they are spending more, but the money won’t be spent on you or the house. It would be spent on someone else, which might break your heart. 3. If they drastically change their appearance Often, an extramarital affair gives a high, which will make your spouse feel energized. They will start feeling young all over again and would experiment a few things regarding their appearance. 4. They stop being passionate The sex won’t be the same. The sense of passion and longing between you too will slowly fade away. 5. When you have a feeling about it Because you will have a gut feeling about them getting involved with someone else and you won’t stop thinking about it. 6. If they change their behavior towards you They will stop being the same person with whom you fell in love with. One day, you will wake up next to them, and you will realize that their behavior towards you has been drastically changed. 7. They will always stay irritated Even the smallest of things will make them angry, and they will try to blame it on you. This would be their way of finding flaws in you, which is a common trait in all the people who have an extramarital affair. 8. They will become emotionally distant Gradually, they will start keeping things to themselves. There would be secrets between the two of you and you both will stop having those heartfelt conversations. 9. If they get overly defensive They will lose their temper even if you ask them a causal question about their life. They would be having this big secret and the chance of blowing it away will make them extremely defensive. They will calculate every move to make sure that you never get to know about their affair. 10. When they start demanding their space They will get more private and will demand their own space. They will get both, emotionally and well as physically more distant and will leave you baffled with their unexpected demands. 11. If they are no longer interested in your life If your spouse is no longer keen to see your friends or family, and don’t even want to go out with you, think of it as their way of burning the bridges between the two of you. 12. When you see those big signs! And then there would be those obvious signs that can’t be avoided. If you ever see them not wearing their wedding ring or if they will start lying to you on numerous occasions, it is high-time you need to think of something really soon. Marriage is not as simple as it sounds. It requires you and your partner to be honest with each other. Now when you know some of the most common signs that are associated with infidelity, come up with a thoughtful course of action. Instead of doing anything irrational, have a conversation with your partner before reaching any conclusion.

The benefits of Extramarital affairs The once 18 year old buff captain of the football team with 6-pack abs. A married woman that is willing to have an affair with another man provides extensive to lose so because of this, doesn't trust revealing about her. There would you a million reasons that could have driven you to the arms of one other man. Many people that sign as much as married dating sites will see that they obtain the spark that they can need and often this can in fact help their marriage. Not to be able to leave a household and becoming a growing number of frustrated, I started looking through married internet dating sites.

This article boils the important information down to around three hundred words. They allow him to have his freedom while giving that much needed female companionship. Obviously, for things to go smoothly you have to be discreet. I don't mean to imply this to "all" men or women, but I have noticed it a significant bit. You won't have to work so difficult to have a second date or maintain a relationship. This sounds so obvious but consider it for any moment. Horny housewife personals save on.

This is often a time you would like your husband to never pay attention to what you are doing. Married and seeking affairs were accepted when it was a man. If he's able to view you for drinks after work but not for a late dinner, be careful. When it occurred, it would be justified being a way of nature. After all, he was the hunter, the bread winner, the traveler. It may take a little more effort and creativity, but to the sake with the affair, meet somewhere neutral.

No more days of sneaking to cheap motels, congratulations, you go and meet people right from the home or offices, while your wife is within the kitchen or working. We were footloose, fancy free, and out for a good time. At times, the deep yearning for closeness is mistaken for sex. Discreet relationships involve persons who will be married or involved. Are we able to hold passion, spark and excitement of intimate and sexual connection through the numerous years of committed relationships. In many cases, the place where a married individual could get involved using a single person, it can be avoided much like the plague.

Female talent was undeniable and is maintaining growth today. It is described being a lack of self control to fell into lustful passions of physical and sexual pleasure. It will continue to work out much better for you inside the end if you need to do. Do there seem to be gaps in his schedule that may be explained by the question, "Is he married. Think of it like buying a car, and then find they gave you a car with no seats. If we watch any talk show, listen to psychiatrists, doctors and sociologists, follow-up on celebrities' news; cheating and being cheated on can be a "talk of a town".

Disadvantages of Extramarital Affairs Finding out your partner has extramarital affairs is the most painful discovery you may ever had in your relationship, regardless of your current marital status. It is the reason why married individuals should avoid cheating their partners if don't want to hurt them. If you are being tempted to cheat on your wife, think about the following negative consequences of doing so.

Divorce Each married individual has different reasons for cheating. If you are tempted to have an illicit affair because you want to catch your partner's attention but you still love her, forget about your evil plan and overcome the temptation. Remember, cheating is one of the most common reasons why more and more couples separate ways and get divorced. If you don't want to break the marriage, just focus your attention to your wife and the entire family. If you are tempted to cheat due to some misunderstanding with your wife or other members of the family, fix it and never try to add something that will only make the situation worse. Assess yourself. Who knows, you're the one who has a problem, not your wife.

Hurting Both Parties There are times when you still love your wife, but you already start to fall in love with someone else. Before it leads to an illicit affair, suppress your feelings. Once your wife discovers your affair, you can't control her from being hurt and most of all, you can't blame her if she gets angry with your action. If both of your legal partner and your other woman ask you to choose, the one you'll dump will be surely hurt. Don't be a cruel. Just love your wife and don't entertain any idea that will lead to cheating.

Being Blamed for a Failed Relationship Once your marriage fails because you had an affair with another woman, you will be blamed for your failed relationship. Your kids may hate you for cheating their mother and choosing someone else over them. Some people may also blame you each time you have a failed relationship. For instance, you cheated during your first marriage. After that, you had another relationship, which soon failed. Even though your second relationship's failure is not your fault, some people may still think you're the cause of the breakup.

Having Bad Reputation Some people judge individuals based on their marital status. If you have a good relationship with your wife and kids, they will consider you as a responsible man- which is absolutely true. If you are an official of a trusted company who's cheating his partner, your colleagues' trust for you may suddenly disappear once they found out about your affair. They will think you may also cheat them, just like what you're doing to your wife. Remember, it is very hard to gain one's trust. So, avoid losing it.