User:SailordeSuisse/Mongolia's Law on Deliberative Polling/FlaresofCryo Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

SailordeSuisse


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SailordeSuisse/Mongolia%27s_Law_on_Deliberative_Polling?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * N/A
 * N/A

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall this article is a great! Super interesting as well. Just a few notes:


 * "Mongolia's Law on Deliberative Polling was the first time that a country codified the Deliberative Polling process into law." - this sounds a bit weird. I think it can be rephrased to "Mongolia's Law on Deliberative Polling codified the Deliberative Polling process into the nation's law, the first time a country has done so."
 * For the 2015 Deliberative Poll section, could it be subsumed under a section called "background"? Since that poll is what gave the impetus for the 2017 Law in the first place
 * And for the 2019 Amendments, perhaps that could be subsumed under a section about how the law has been put into practice/examples of the law?
 * Generally, I think the chronological flow can be more explicit, so it goes from background -> the law itself -> the law in practice
 * Last paragraph in the article - "amendments" spelt wrongly