User:SammiMaloney/Energy bar/Nick5carr Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

SammiMaloney


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SammiMaloney/Energy_bar?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Energy bar

Evaluate the drafted changes
The edited article in the sandbox draft does a great job of adding content as well as shaping what could be defined as an energy bar. It includes more in the beginning of what an energy bar is and what it is defined as. It impressed me that more nutrition facts were added to that portion of the article and even the usage paragraph was shaped to contain more truthful details. The turn of the phrase at the beginning to describe what an energy bar is and its benefits was impressive as well.

One change that I suggest you confront is categorizing your different sentences to put them under the right heading. For example in the usage paragraph you talked about nutrition facts or had run on sentences that didn't relate to an energy bars usage. A minor change but just something I noticed.

The absolute most important thing that could improve this article is including a list of the top energy bar producers and the different bars that they produce. I didn't see anything about the companies that make the energy bars so I think that would be a cool thing to add to the article, and easy too!

Something I noticed in your article that I found useful and could be added to mine was links you provided for similar things like energy bars. In my article I didn't have many links under my "see also" so this could be a good thing to add.

Good job!